College was always something I looked forward to. Since I was a child, I’ve heard that people can try to take everything from me, but they will never take my knowledge. And through it, I’ll be able to learn, reach my dreams, and conquer life.
Since the end of high school, I could only think about one single question: “what is all of this going to be like?”
I had no idea what college was, much less how to be a college student and a freshman. No one had given me the “rulebook” or taken my hand and guided me to the point where everything would be on track, where I would have articles published with my name on them and a job that made me listen to “Suddenly I See” while crossing the street with a coffee in my hand.
At the beginning, I felt lost, directionless, even with so many people around me in those huge buildings. I didn’t know how to act, speak, or do anything. It was scary to think that from now on, for things to work, everything depends on me.
Fear can be overwhelming, show up in many ways, and sometimes grow to surprising levels. But I believe that as long as my desire to achieve what I want for this new phase and my life plan is stronger, I won’t stop. I’ll go even if I’m scared!
Walking into the classroom for the first time was strange. No seat felt right enough, classes would start and I couldn’t figure out the right way to take notes, which pen color to use, or if I should just pay attention to whatever the professor was explaining.
Finding my crew
Presentations started to happen, and little by little, relationships were built. After some time, everyone followed each other on social media, and the walk to the subway became less lonely—now it was full of curiosities and conversations about expectations. By the end of the day, I started to understand: I wasn’t the only one going through this process, and that reassured me.
But then another kind of nervousness started to kick in, creating noise in my head: “How am I going to make the right impression?” Honestly, I didn’t know. There was no way to know.
I didn’t want to limit myself to following a character—it was exhausting and pointless. If I’m starting one of the most important phases of my life, why would I hide? So I set a very simple, practical, and objective goal. To be who I am.
And I’ll tell you, it’s liberating! In so many ways that I can’t even describe.
As the weeks went by, the fears started to let their guard down. The hallways actually started to lead somewhere, people began to greet you, and classes became easier to follow. Parties and games are announced, different student groups appear for you to join, and events to attend come up. Exams and assignments are scheduled, throwing us straight into practice with what we’ll be working on.
I started to feel like part of this new and long-dreamed world. Little by little, that confusion turned into a sense of belonging.
College becomes comfortable, even with the exhausting routine. The place where I will spend the next few years shaping the professional I’m going to be and learning to be more myself now makes me excited for the first things I’ll get to do.
But what I discovered was that there, while I felt lost, beside me were the people with whom I shared many of my laughs and the stress of assignments. There were the classrooms where I would write my first official articles and feel the real gratitude of pursuing the course I love. There, I would begin to build the path for what I want in life.
Today, after a few months, I see that we all start from somewhere, and it’s okay not to know how to act right away. Because I believe that being a freshman is like this: going out to explore, with a lot of fear and the purest anxiety, your next steps and experiences in a new, but deeply desired environment.
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The article above was edited by Maria Alice Primo.
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