Being bisexual means constantly fighting for the validation of one’s identity.
Frequently dismissed as “just a phase” or “confusion” for challenging socially imposed heteronormativity, bisexual people are often labeled as vulgar and/or promiscuous for being attracted to more than one gender. As a result, they frequently experience invalidation or fetishization due to their sexual orientation, making it even harder to simply be themselves.
Relationships and Labels
The way relationships involving bisexual people are perceived largely depends on their structure. Comments such as “you need to make up your mind,” “you don’t know what you want,” and “being bisexual isn’t real” are common experiences for those who openly identify as bi.
When a couple consists of a man and a woman, they are generally perceived solely as a heterosexual couple based on their appearance. In some ways, this provides a certain level of safety, as they may avoid direct prejudice. However, it also erases the bisexual identity of one or both partners and can even lead to the invalidation of bisexuality within the LGBTQIAP+ community itself.
On the other hand, relationships between two men or two women are immediately perceived by society as homosexual. While this recognition validates their Queer identity and highlights their sexual orientation, it also increases their exposure to prejudice and discrimination, making them more vulnerable to homophobia.
Maria, a high school student, shares her experience of being bisexual while in a relationship with another woman, describing the comments she frequently hears about homosexuality.
“I don’t think people completely forget that I’m a bisexual woman, but they’re ignorant, and because I’m dating a woman, they call me a lesbian. […] It’s very common for me to hear, especially from men, comments that fetishize relationships between women. They also ask questions like, ‘Who’s the man in the relationship?'”
Representing the Famous “Confusion”
Film, literature, and music featuring LGBTQIAP+ characters have gained increasing recognition in recent years by portraying the emotions and experiences Queer people go through — from discovering their sexual orientation to coming out.
The novel The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, by Taylor Jenkins Reid, tells the story of a bisexual actress who spends her life understanding who she truly is while hiding her greatest love from the public behind a series of heteronormative relationships. The novel sold millions of copies worldwide and remained on The New York Times Best Seller list for more than 54 weeks.
The series Heartstopper, adapted from Alice Oseman’s graphic novels, follows Nick Nelson (Kit Connor), who struggles during adolescence to come to terms with his bisexuality. The show’s popularity spread across social media platforms such as TikTok and X (formerly Twitter), reaching thousands of teenagers who shared that they had gone through experiences similar to Nick’s.
“Even though there are already some, I feel like we still need more movies and TV shows with bisexual protagonists. Most Queer stories feature gay or lesbian main characters because those sexualities are more ‘accepted’ by the public,” Maria explains, emphasizing the importance of seeing her own sexual orientation represented in the media despite the prejudice that still exists.
Therefore, the life of a bisexual person is marked by the ongoing challenge of acceptance and self-affirmation, without having to “choose a side.” Whether facing erasure while dating someone of a different gender or experiencing prejudice and fetishization while dating someone of the same gender, bisexuality continues to encounter significant barriers. Greater representation, acceptance, and respect are essential steps toward achieving broader inclusion and recognition for bisexual people.
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The article above was edited by Alyah Gomes.
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