Which Finals Cliché Are You?

With finals coming up just around the corner, I found it fitting to make a fun little list of the characters we all see around campus this time of year.

The Caffeine Junkie

This is the poor soul who you're pretty certain hasn't left Starbucks for a week. If they ever leave the table they’ve camped out at, they have at least two drinks on them at all times, just in case. Caffeine Junkies come in all shapes and sizes, and their drinks of choice vary from soda to Starbucks, a medium roast to a Redbull, or a cup of tea to a triple shot macchiato. Over the week, you find that you question how much they’re sleeping, if at all. The amount of cans and cups in their room is insurmountable, but you know that in the end, they’re doing their best to survive and keep those batteries going. Just make sure to have a pillow and blanket handy for when they eventually crash, because we all know they’re gonna crash…hard.

The Crammer

This poor soul is the friend you’ve been warning the entire semester to get their ass in gear.

Their catchphrase “I’ll do it tomorrow” has officially come around to haunt them. You see them walking to every class, head in a book, frantically looking at Sparknotes, and using everything they have to absorb the information taught to them in the past three months in only two days. They may disconnect from society to live in the world of cramming. They will eventually emerge, but be warned. They may forget how to interact with other social creatures. Give them time, but don’t be surprised when they fall back into their cramming hibernation next semester.

The Procrastinator

A close cousin to the Crammer, the Procrastinator lives in a constant state of denial. They look at their list of To-Dos and act as if they don’t exist. You can find them constantly socializing and working on other things, never on what needs to be done. These are often the people who stay the most social in these hard times but at a cost. Eventually, the Procrastinator splits down one of two paths. They either go the path of the Crammer, or the most risque route of “doing their best and praying.” This usually fails, but the Procrastinator is sometimes the luckiest person you know. They will very rarely see the consequences or, if they do, they won’t change their ways.

The Crier

The crier is someone that I relate too much to. A tissue box and oversized hoodie are this person’s accessories of choice. For them, it doesn’t matter where, it doesn’t matter when, it doesn’t matter how they're feeling, but tears will come. They will cry in class, in the bathroom, eating, with friends, by themselves, it doesn’t matter. They can be having a great day and they will just start bawling. Good mental health is a fantasy at this point for this person. They're doing the best they can but you should support them as much as possible. They are fragile human beings doing their best. But they are also super multitaskers, sobbing and writing an essay at the same time. Self-care is their best friend...if they actually do it.

The Person Who Handles Stress Well?

Very rarely spotted in the wild, this form of finals survivor is the one who handles stress. They have planned out how to get everything done without dying or crying, has been reviewing the materials throughout the semester and makes sure to take care of their physical and mental health while still thriving academically. These are rare human beings who stand out in a library full of our other culprits, and they are the person we should all strive to be.  

Regardless of how you identify during finals week, there is one thing you should always: summer is just around the corner.