As a woman, do you ever feel like you’re always in front of an audience? Do you feel overanalyzed in the way you present yourself and your interests? Recently, I’ve realized how often I catch myself looking at my life through the assumed perspective of others. Do we, as women, remember what it feels like to look at life and explore our interests without the pressure of outward validation?
In the past year, I’ve seen a certain sentence being used on social media often. It states, “You crave male validation when you’ve abandoned your creativity.” This rings true for many, and it made me think about how many times I’ve personally set aside my passions in the pursuit of making myself more attractive, giving into superficial insecurity and doubts, or even just giving up on things solely for not feeling accomplished enough.Â
Think of the times that you might get bored and fully convince yourself to date again solely for the “plot”. The nights you go out and your focus is on how attractive you look to others and how much fun it looks like you’re having. Think of the times you might have agonized over a boy who was just some average guy you romanticized. Essentially, the moments you spend looking at yourself through a presumed male lens. Now imagine if you had taken all those moments, time, and effort spent in the pursuit of that outward validation, and put it into things you loved and put it into loving yourself.Â
I know I am not above this kind of thinking. I’ve downloaded the dating apps, curated how I come off, fantasized about who might be perceiving me, and fixated on how I look often. But I’ve realized the importance of doing things that nourish the parts of me that are just for me. It’s so incredibly important to ask yourself, “What are the things I loved doing before this all mattered?”.
When I want to get myself in a self-focused mindset, I think back to the things I liked doing when I was around 5. Besides being in an important developmental stage, it was also the age for me where boys still had cooties, and I was locked in on my interests, without a care in the world. For little me, that was painting, reading, dancing, and just frolicking around with my friends. I’ve found that the things you gravitate to when you allow yourself to be bored are some of the most eye-opening and integral when it comes to exploring yourself and the things you love.
Before spiraling over outside opinions and circumstances, take the time to explore who you are, and what drives you to create. In an age where your life is constantly influenced by others, and where you are pushed to fit into a box, it is so incredibly important for women to figure out what we individually love, and not pursue how we can be loved by others. Question what you like based on your ideals and values. Ask yourself, do I like this because of my own opinions and experiences, or did something or someone else suggest this would be best for me?
Lastly, this could be personal preference, but I would encourage writing. Even if it’s just texting yourself small reminders, journaling observations from your day, or scrawling out blurbs of poetry. I’ve found that for me, writing is how I’ve been able to explore depths of myself I wouldn’t have taken notice of before, and has always put me in a me-related headspace. Essentially, find what puts you in your you-ness, and take the time to explore the things you love through your own eyes.