Choosing yourself is something people talk about like it is something that is loud or obvious, like a moment where everything clicks and suddenly you’re confident and healed. However, for me, it didn’t happen that way. It showed up quietly, in the moments where I stopped forcing conversations, stopped explaining myself, and stopped holding onto things that no longer felt right just because they once did. There wasn’t a big announcement or dramatic shift — just a slow realization that peace felt better than proving a point.
For many, the idea of being alone can be uncomfortable, especially in college, where our lives move in constant cycles of people, routines, and expectations. Looking back, I’ve realized that much of my life has been shaped by social cycles — friendships, phases, environments — always moving from one group to the next without much pause. Being alone wasn’t something I practiced; it was something I avoided. For a long time, I believed choosing myself meant filling every moment with noise, connection, or distraction, rather than learning how to sit with myself.
Honestly, at first, being alone can feel nerve-wracking. The idea of sitting in silence or doing everyday tasks by yourself can feel uncomfortable, even intimidating. However, for me, as someone who grew up introverted, being alone slowly became something I fell in love with. I learned to appreciate my own presence and the quiet that comes with it. There is something incredibly special about feeling content in your own thoughts and about taking yourself on a day filled with things you genuinely love without worrying about pleasing anyone else. Choosing yourself can look as simple as that, and there is a quiet beauty in learning that your own company is enough.
As friendships begin to drift and routines change, being alone often isn’t something we plan for, it just happens. In those quieter moments, I found myself slowly romanticizing time spent by myself, not because I had to, but because I wanted to. I started noticing how much I enjoyed the little things, long walks with my headphones in, sitting with a book, moving my body in ways that felt good, or simply letting my thoughts wander without interruption. Being alone taught me how to appreciate the things I genuinely love, without outside influence. It wasn’t about losing people, but about gaining clarity, learning who I am when no one else is around, and realizing that choosing myself didn’t mean I was lonely, it meant I was finally listening.
In college, women are constantly taught to stretch themselves thin. We are encouraged to show up everywhere, to say yes often, and to make room for everyone else before ourselves. Choosing yourself in an environment like this can feel uncomfortable, even selfish. For me, learning to be alone was not something I planned, it was something I slowly grew into. In those quieter moments, I began to romanticize time spent with myself, not because I was pulling away from others, but because I was finally paying attention to what I needed. I learned what brought me peace, what grounded me, and what genuinely made me happy. Choosing yourself doesn’t mean abandoning relationships. The people who truly care for you will remain, even as you grow into different versions of yourself. College taught me that choosing myself wasn’t about losing people, it was about trusting myself.
I used to quietly hope that people would reach out, check in, or notice when I was overwhelmed. I did the same for others, believing that effort alone could keep every connection intact. However, if we’re being honest, college is chaotic, and as someone who carries a lot on her plate, I began to understand that everyone is navigating their own version of survival. That realization didn’t harden me, it softened me. It made me more appreciative of the people who stay consistent, who show up without being asked, and who meet me where I am. Choosing yourself teaches you discernment. It teaches you to love who you are becoming, to protect your peace, and to pour into the hobbies and routines that make you feel grounded. With everything happening at once, it’s easy to lose sight of what matters. As you navigate college, stay true to yourself. Love who you are. Love what you love. And most importantly, choose those who choose you.