Nowadays, there is a big focus on putting yourself first, which is awesome! Allowing yourself to do what you need to do and feel what you need to feel can help you grow in so many ways. However, sometimes putting yourself first can turn into being selfish about different things. It’s a very easy line to cross and one that can be crossed unintentionally. The three biggest times I see this fall into 3 categories: intentions, mindset, and boundaries. So, let’s take a look at where the line can get blurry:
Intentions:
Intentions and goals are a very healthy thing to set for yourself. A good way to make sure your intentions are positive is to look at who they’re impacting. Things such as self care, promoting good physical and mental health, and creating personal time. These can all help you grow and flourish as a person and can lead to becoming the best version of yourself!
It can take a turn when your intentions start to impact others. I don’t necessarily mean something like saying no to a night out for your mental health or taking a rest day, but more things like putting yourself first in a negative light. Prioritizing your needs at the expense of others, ignoring boundaries to get what you want, and expecting others to sacrifice things for your benefit can all potentially be twisted to be seen as something positive for you.
For example: you and your friend are at the bar and you spot a cute guy. You were planning in your head to make a move but then your friend says she’s going to go talk to him. You tell your friend you also thought he was cute and was planning to go flirt, so maybe neither of you should make a move to avoid any conflict. She agrees, and you both go about your night. That is, until you see him later at another club. You sneak away and go get his number and your friend never has to know, right? After all, this is the year of putting yourself first! WRONG! Think of how you would feel if she did that to you!! You would feel AWFUL, so why is it ok for you to do to her? It isn’t, and yes it sucks but sometimes you just have to take the L.
Mindset:
Self-respect is a good way to carry on a positive mindset. Speaking kindly to yourself and remaining happy can all lead to a growing mind. Acknowledging when you need rest, need to workout, and do things to improve your body a
Ignoring the needs of others, taking what you think should be yours, and putting others down to boost your ego all lead to that selfish mindset. When you pull others down with you, it becomes a slippery slope where both of you begin to decline. There’s so many easy ways to lift others up rather then bring them down, so why do the latter?
For example: Your roomie has a going out top that you look really good in. She’s not home, so you break in and decide to wear it to dinner. At dinner, you spill red wine all. down. the front. You can’t get it out, and now your screwed. Now she’s mad, and no one benefitted. What was the point?
Boundaries:
Setting boundaries is important to allow yourself to flourish. Cutting toxic people out of your life is a hard step to take, but one that can allow for a lot of progress in your life. It’s difficult to address with someone, but ultimately it is almost always the right choice. The key word there, of course, is almost.
Cutting someone off cause they wronged you minorly or hurt your feelings is NOT a reason to pull away. Sure, it doesn’t feel great, but it can be an important thing to learn. I knew a girl who stopped being friends with someone over the smallest things, even if they just left her on delivered because they were busy. Eventually, she had no friends because everyone knew she couldn’t keep one. And what a sad life to live!! There’s no gain in that, so what’s the point?
Trying not to cross that line is hard, and it is ok to be selfish sometimes! It’s just when it’s all the time that it becomes an issue. 2025 is the year of self love and prosperity, so embrace it! Take some time to yourself, pick up new hobbies, and learn to love yourself. No matter what, you’ll always have you. And what’s better then that?!