Last month, I found myself googling heart attack symptoms in women.
I was lying in my bed, freshly out of a breakup, and made the mistake of going through my camera roll. Of course, this had me bursting into tears almost immediately — and not in the pretty, rom-com-lead-who-lost-the-guy kind of way. Grasping at my chest, head pounding, I genuinely thought I had given myself a heart attack.
I hadn’t. I was just a 20-year-old girl, mourning a three-year-long relationship.
This month, I’m not googling heart attack symptoms anymore.
I still have moments where it hits me out of nowhere. A song I can’t listen to for a few more years, a photo strip I had to take off my bedroom wall, a TV show I’ll never know the ending of because I can’t bring myself to keep watching it without him. Despite all of these things, it doesn’t feel as all-consuming as it once did. The heartbreak that once felt physical has softened into something quieter. Still there, just… different.
Somewhere in between the crying and the random Tuesdays that felt too heavy to bear, I realized there isn’t a perfect way to get over someone. There’s no timeline, no checklist, no moment where suddenly everything clicks.
But there are small things. Things that help you move through it. These are my five favorites.
Cry
Allow yourself to feel sad.
My advice for this step is to lean into your creative side — or at least the part of you that appreciates art. Musicians, directors and poets have been writing about heartbreak since the beginning of time. You are not the only person in the world who has felt this way before.
Make a gut-wrenching playlist. Scream it in your car on the way to work. Write a sappy poem. It’s okay if you shove it into a drawer, to never be seen again. Watch a movie with your roommate — she’ll understand if you cry when the girl gets the guy at the end.
If your taste is anything like mine, your days might be filled with Taylor Swift, Someone Great on Netflix, and a lot of Notes App poetry. It might make you feel better, but it also might not.
The important part is that you’re letting yourself feel it instead of pretending you don’t. Heartbreak doesn’t go away just because you ignore it. If anything, it lingers longer. So let yourself sit in it for a little while. Let it take up space.
Surround Yourself With People Who Love You
A few days following your initial period of sadness, your friends will ask you to go out with them. Your mom might ask if you want to go to the grocery store with her. It’s vital that you say yes.
You will probably find yourself still in your post-heartbreak funk, constantly on the verge of tears, except now you’re in a tiny “going out top” or standing in the checkout line at Costco. The difference between this stage and the previous one is that you are no longer alone.
You are still allowed to be upset, but instead of staring at the ceiling of your bedroom, you’re able to look across the room and lock eyes with your best friend and her soft, sympathetic smile. Instead of sitting in a quiet, lonely kitchen alone, your mom will make a corny joke, and you might let out a laugh.
These are moments that remind you that life is still happening. These are moments that will make you feel alive again.
Create Something Your Ex Has Nothing To Do With
It’s time to develop something new. Fill your apartment with diamond paintings from Michaels. Get the post-breakup bob. Start running (or do as I did, run one mile and promptly never run again). Move cities if you’re feeling drastic. Reread your favorite childhood novel. Watch that movie you meant to watch with your ex, alone.
This reminds you that you were a person before them, and you will still be a person after them. There are parts of you that exist completely outside of that relationship.
It’s time to fall in love again,but this time with your own life.
Be Kind To Strangers
This one might sound random, but it matters more than you’d think.
When your heart is broken, it can feel as if all the love in the world has been ripped away by that one person. Being kind to strangers reminds you that it didn’t. It just exists in different places.
Compliment someone’s outfit. Hold the door open. Let someone merge in front of you. Smile at people. You might find yourself feeling better about your own situation just by watching a random person smile at you, at least I did.
There’s something comforting about realizing you can still give love, even when you feel like you’ve lost it. It proves that love isn’t just romantic; it’s everywhere, in small, everyday moments.
And sometimes, that’s enough.
Wake Up Every Day
This sounds simple, but some days, it won’t be.
Get out of bed. Even if it takes longer than it used to. Get ready for the day, even if you’re just going through the motions. Put effort into yourself in small ways: brush your hair, pick out an outfit you like, step outside for a few minutes.
After a breakup, it’s easy to let everything blur together. Days start to feel the same, and it can be tempting to stay in that space. But the act of showing up for your own life, no matter how small, is what slowly pulls you out of it.
The sadness won’t disappear overnight. But one day, you’ll realize it doesn’t feel as heavy as it once did. Then a little lighter. Then lighter again.
So wake up. Keep going. Your life is still happening, and you deserve to be there for it.
As someone who has done each of these steps in the last two months, I can tell you they help. Not overnight, not all at once, but slowly, in ways you don’t always notice right away.
You will have days where you’re embarrassed because you loved too deeply, you texted your ex after a night out, or you cried in the bathroom at a party. You will also have days when you’re reminded that this, too, shall pass: you bought a bouquet of flowers for your kitchen table, you laughed until you couldn’t breathe with your friends, you aced your midterm.
Healing isn’t linear. It’s messy, inconsistent and sometimes a little humbling.
But these moments remind you that life keeps moving. That this pain, as overwhelming as it feels, means something. It means you felt something real. It means you were open enough to let someone in, even though you know it might not last forever.
Even if it ended, that doesn’t take away from what it was. One day, it won’t feel so heavy. It will just feel like a part of your story. You’ll realize that loving someone was never a mistake.