This is not an article about attempting to censor what you say. This is not an article about trying to dictate how you should live your life. This is an attempt to make you aware of the people around you and how what you can say is offensive to others. It is important to practice mindfulness in what you say. No one is perfect or says the right thing all the time, and we all make mistakes – but this is your chance to recognize that your words have power.
1. Bitch/slut/whore/hoe/cunt/ect.
“She’s such a bitch!”
These words are gendered and oppressive, reflecting the dominant patriarchal society we live in. Phrases and words like those are used to shame and put down women; if you respect the women in your life, you shouldn’t use these words to describe anyone.
If you’re one of those who is in the habit of slut-shaming women, you need to reevaluate. Women can do whatever they please with their bodies, embrace their sensuality and have as much sex as they want, as long as it’s safe and consensual.
If you’re someone who’s in the habit of calling your friends “bitches” as a term as endearment, you should try some more positive and uplifting words, like “goddess, queen, or boss.”
2. Rape
“That test raped me!”
Please stop saying “rape” out of context. On college campuses especially, rape is a sensitive topic for all women, and even more so for those women who have been subjected to sexual assault. Using “rape” outside of the context of sexual assault or a safe place is insensitive and jarring.
I had a teacher say “rape” in the classroom just last week. She was introducing herself to the class and wanted to explain that she could be loud and unpredictable. So she gave us an example of that, saying something along the lines of “this guy raped a porcupine and then ate its babies while they were screaming.”
Did that shock you? It shocked me too; for the rest of the lecture I was so distracted by what she had said that I wasn’t paying close attention to what she was trying to teach.
If you’re trying to describe something along the lines of “That test raped me,” then choose another verb. There are thousands of other verbs to choose, so stretch your linguistic capabilities and select another that won’t make those around you uncomfortable. Try to be sensitive of what you’re saying and not trivialize something as serious and affecting as rape and sexual assault.
3. Pussy
“Stop being a pussy.”
Please stop using “pussy” as a derogatory term to call someone weak. This is an example of normalized sexism that is commonplace in our daily conversations. Women’s genitalia shouldn’t equate to being fearful or timid.
Peoples’ gender shouldn’t have to define the way they have to act. Men shouldn’t have to “man up” or “grow a pair” and women shouldn’t be called “bossy” or “catty.” This is also a good starting point to begin to proactively think about the gendered language you use and try to avoid it all together.
4. Depressed/Anxious/Bipolar/Schizophrenic/Autistic/OCD/Anorexic
“The weather is so bipolar today!” or “Why are you being so schitzo?” or “You’re so retarded.”
These are real mental illnesses that real people have, maybe even your own friends or family. Mental illnesses are stigmatized in society and many times the people that have them are too nervous or embarrassed to speak about them. Therefore, by using these phrases in a negative and misplaced way, you are inadvertently contributing to the stereotypes around these mental illnesses.
We are human and sometimes we make mistakes. If you slip-up and accidentally say something, then just apologize! The people around you will respect you for it and you might even help someone to be more mindful of their own language.
5. Any word or phrase to put someone down based on their race, religion, sexuality, ect.
No – just no. There is no justifiable excuse to ever insult someone’s identity.
We live in an incredibly diverse world – a fact that we should strive to be aware of and respect. Your words and attitude have the power to affect those around you, so be mindful of the words you speak. Every time you speak you have the ability to put something positive and thoughtful into the universe. Your words are powerful, so choose carefully.