The disappointment fairy paid me a visit not too long ago and gave me a new edition of my favorite imaginary magazine, My Love Life, and you’ll never guess what the latest headline is…BREAKING NEWS: you’re twenty years old, a junior in college and you’ve never even held hands with someone, you’re pathetic. Just what I needed. As if I don’t already know all of this because I am the one living it. I am constantly comparing my experiences or lack thereof to others and their relationships; what experiences they have had thus far in life. At this point in my life when I go down a rabbit hole of feeling sorry for myself, I’m thinking there must be something wrong with me. NEWS FLASH, there is absolutely nothing wrong with me or anyone else who feels like this.Â
You have the right to feel unlovable, or stupid for even considering the fact that you won’t ever share a love with someone that consumes your thoughts in every moment of every day. But guess what, none of it is true.Â
Everyone is on different paths in life
When you’re constantly reminding yourself that it’s okay to be alone and grow on your own before you’re ready for a relationship, it becomes second nature. It’s engraved into your mind like the words on the page of your favorite book: it’s not my time and that’s okay. Maybe in those moments where you have someone in mind and it’s not working out, the universe is subtly telling you that there’s something better out there, more worthy of your time and theirs; at least that’s what I tell myself. Not here, not them, not right now.Â
But gosh, doesn’t that just want to make you scream?! When?! When will it ever be my time to love?! And cue the rabbit hole of self destruction. No one ever talks about how hard it is to watch as each of your friends and roommates make plans with a significant other, leaving you to sleep alone in the house that you share. You can’t help but think there’s something wrong with you. Â
The constant struggle is one of reminding yourself that you have everything you need, even if you don’t have everything you want. The wishful-thinking fairy rests in a nook in my mind and whispers hope into my ear when I need it most: I want to dance in the kitchen with someone! You can do all the dancing you want in the kitchen surrounded by your friends, those who love you. I want to get unexpected flowers from someone! Order the damn flowers yourself, who says someone has to get them for you (cue “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus). I want to get dressed up and go out to dinner with someone! Treat yourself to a nice night out by getting dressed up and ordering what you want.Â
My expectations for love: healthy or unhealthy? Realistic or unrealistic?
At a young age, children start to consume media that leads them to believe every story has a fairytale ending. Not to say that some stories can’t turn out like that, I believe they could, but growing up with such high expectations about our love lives and how we think everything is supposed to work out isn’t healthy. A lot of the content we consume today is idealized, as it was while growing up.Â
Therefore, absorbing content from the majority of influencers and films that present idealized individuals with traits that are sometimes unattainable, it makes the viewers question whether or not they can achieve those impossibly high standards when it comes to relationships or beauty standards. It certainly does not help the fact that I like to think I could end up with my very own Benjamin Barry or let alone a Derek Shepherd. An extremely attractive supernatural being once said (ifykyk), “you want a love that consumes you. You want passion, and adventure, and even a little danger.” And I do. There’s nothing wrong with wanting, but real-life fairytale endings take more patience.Â
Appreciation for the life we are living
Life is what you make of it. This mindset has helped me come to terms with my so-called love life and whatever else life decides to throw my way. It took me a while to be appreciative of the universe and the life that I have been living. I welcome experiences that come with a variety of emotions because isn’t it amazing that as earthlings we get to experience every emotion? Whether it’s happiness, stress, anger, the feeling that I am unlovable, disappointment, fear and more, it’s all worthwhile. We have the capacity to experience all of these heavy emotions on a planet that is just a tiny occupant of space and time.Â
After all, you have the ability to decide how you want to feel on any given day. Set standards you want to live up to and don’t worry about anyone else.Â
So many young individuals are summoning the courage to open up about their love lives on social media and the majority of posts offer hope for generations of modern love stories to come. I am 20 years young and single. I am not unlovable. I am filled with an abundance of love, for life and for love itself.