With the holidays finally over, I’ve noticed a few things. There are the typical things: people seem kinder during the holiday season, I eat like no other throughout winter break, and family gatherings can consist of cringe-worthy moments. I love my family, don’t get me wrong; I adore all of them and they’re all genuinely wonderful people.Gif courtesy of media.giphy.com
But this winter break I saw some extended family members who I haven’t seen in a year or so; I have three siblings, one older sister and two younger brothers. My sister spent the spring semester of 2017 studying abroad in Germany and traveling through Europe. My younger brother had just finished his first semester of college and had his first job. My youngest brother is a junior in high school and the actual whiz kid of the family. I’m a junior in college, I’m an RA on campus, I’m now the Writing Director of Her Campus at Cal Lutheran, and I have a job at a law office. So we all have a variety of topics in our lives to talk about.
So then tell me why one of the first questions I get asked is, “do you have a boyfriend?”Photo courtesy of Pexels.com
Questions start to revolve around how we met, how we’re doing, what he’s studying, is he working, what his career goals are, and where he’s from. And after I answer all the questions about him, they forget that I have a personality and a life of my own. Instead, they move onto my sister or my brothers and ask about what they’re doing in their life. By the time I’m done answering all these questions, I realize that my family is more interested in what my boyfriend does rather than my own work and part of me wants to look like the child in the picture above and scream why does it matter?
I’m proud of my relationship with my boyfriend, we’ve been together for the past 3 years and we’ve grown together and as individuals and helped, supported, and loved each other every step of the way. But at family gatherings I absolutely hate admitting I have a boyfriend. I hate admitting I have a boyfriend because the moment I do, they seem to forget about all my accomplishments, all the work I’ve been doing, and how much I’ve actually grown since the last time I saw them.Photo courtesy of Pexels.com
This irritates me for a few reasons. The first is that they disregard all the work I’ve been doing in my own life. What is it about being in a relationship that completely neglects my accomplishments? I feel like it’s degrading and rude to not bother asking me what I’ve been up to and what work I’ve been doing on my own. Why do you only care about my boyfriend and his accomplishments and not mine? This irritates me because the complete disregard for my work is a complete disregard of my effort, my time, and myself. I put everything I have into what I do. That’s a slight over-exaggeration but I do push myself to my limits when I’m working whether with my position as the Writing Director, my position at the law office, or my position as an RA.
The other reason this irritates me is because why does it even matter? Why does my relationship status have to be what you question first?
I’ve seen them ask my sister the same question and the moment she says no they start asking her about other aspects of her life. If I was to lie and say I wasn’t in a relationship, they would be more invested in my life aside from my boyfriend. That doesn’t make sense to me at all. Why does it feel like I don’t get to speak about my accomplishments and my hard work just because I’m in a relationship? I don’t want to have to lie about being in a relationship to get my family to be invested in my personal work, but at the same time I don’t like how I have to essentially redirect my family’s attention to who I am as a person instead of only focusing on my boyfriend and his accomplishments.Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
I love my family and I love my boyfriend, but I don’t love how I don’t get to be proud of who I am when I tell my family I have a boyfriend. This doesn’t just happen with families; I’ve seen this in classrooms, I’ve seen it among friends, and I’ve even seen it in different work settings. The picture shown above is exactly how I feel in these situations: my head hurts and I clearly don’t understand and just want whoever is asking to back away. I don’t understand why people will observe my life to revolve around my boyfriend’s instead of our lives functioning as two completely separate lives that just so happen to come together. He has his own jobs, responsibilities, and accomplishments and I certainly have my own jobs, responsibilities, and accomplishments. His are not related to mine and mine are not related to his; both are completely different, so acknowledge that difference. Acknowledge my hard work as my own, my accomplishments as my own, and my life as my own. Don’t disregard what I’ve done just because I have a special person in my life because at the end of the day, who I am and what I’ve done is because I’ve done it, I’ve acted, I’ve learned, and I’ve worked. That is something work asking about.
Thumbnail photo courtesy of Pixabay.com