“If you could go back in time and repeat your seven year relationship, would you do it again?”
Yes.
Yes I would.
I get this question asked several times by friends, family and one time by my therapist. At first I would respond with a flat out, “OH HELL NO.” However over time the answer went from no, to I don’t know, to a yes, yes I would do it again.
If you are new to reading my articles, welcome. Over my time at college I have focused on writing about my feelings and lessons I have learned when my seven year relationship came to an end and this happens to be one of them.
I have a playlist on spotify which is titled, “songs he ruined.” I decided to make this playlist because at some point in our relationship those songs meant a lot and hearing them would make me CRY. Let’s not even mention “Speechless” by Dan & Shay, the song one day we swore we would get married to.
On a random commute to school one day I decided I was going to press play and listen to the songs. I was expecting the usual, the tears pouring down my face uncontrollably. However, none of that happened. My heart wasn’t heavy, I didn’t feel the tears rolling down my face, it was as if I was okay with them playing. That’s exactly what it was. I was okay. The memories no longer felt like a knife stabbing pain in my heart. All I thought was where we were that the song became something meaningful and I smiled thinking of these memories. Over the past month that’s what it has been like whenever a memory pops up in my head and the image of this memory is projected across my mind. I am happy. I am smiling. The memories no longer hurt.
I would do it all over again if it meant I got to experience innocent 14 year old love again, back to the sweet times where we lived off of allowance money and car rides by our parents. Why? Because I had the chance to experience love. Love is such a special feeling that many unfortunately do not get to experience but how lucky was I that I did. How lucky am I to have so many memories with a person who once was my world that one day I get to share with my children. I know what real love is and how it should be that will allow me to not blindly love someone new when the time comes and how lucky am I to know that.
I also grew to be someone that I myself love so much better, someone I would have not molded into if the relationship had not happened. I once was unhappy with who I was and did not like myself but in the end all the heartbreak was worth it. I am a new person who survived the days I thought I couldn’t. I have grown strength and courage to face what life throws at me. So yes, I would repeat my seven year relationship.