For a while now, I’ve been unmotivated to do things. This unmotivation came after a wave of overwhelming events washed over me, and like all humans, when we do something strenuous, we need a rest. During this resting period, I’ve just been thinking of why am I pursuing what I’m pursuing.
Over the weekend, I was assigned a task that was due in a short amount of time that really pushed my skills and abilities. Throughout the whole thing, a thought ran through my mind on how burdensome this task was. This is what I potentially wanted to do in the future, but why did it make me feel this way? Is this really what I want to pursue?
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I feel at one point or another, we all doubt the thing that we want to become. We question whether or not this is the path that we should be walking. We have doubts that we can actually do the job and question whether or not we were too ambitious in our self evaluation of our skills.
It’s a valid feeling to have doubt. In a way, I feel like it’s helpful because it pushes us to break beyond our limits to see what we truly can accomplish. But of course, doubt can consume us.
It’s then that all those questions pop in our heads. When that happens, it makes me want to just give up. It seems in that moment that it would just be easier to throw everything away, instead of continuing on. I feel like that’s the point I’m currently at right now.
When I come to this point, I wonder why I even started in the first place. What moves me to continue on, despite everything?
And when I think of the answer to that, it’s not necessarily all happy memories that pop into my mind. I feel like the reason why I’m doing what I do is because of what others in the same field have created has helped me get through tough times. I hope by emulating those people, then I too can help people like me. When I’m reminded of why I do the things I do, it makes it a little easier to keep on pursuing it.
I believe that this hardship I faced was only a way to build a stronger foundation. Like how a tree has to go through winter before it blooms again, I must go through these hardships so I can see what I’m fully capable of.
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We fall into a routine that causes us to forget why we’re doing what we’re doing in the first place. We forget about the call from a gentle breeze or a childhood aspiration that made us go as far as to say, “This is it. This is what I want to do in the future.” It’s hard to comprehend why even the things that bring us the most joy in life can also make us feel sorrow, but we’ve come too far on our journey to stop. It’s our duty to keep pushing on.
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