“Lovers walk two by two,
doing things lovers do
They’re in love, where am I?”
They’re In Love, Where Am I? – The Weepies
Growing up, I always figured that I would be married by the age of 27. The number just sounded right to me; it wasn’t too young, but I wouldn’t be out of my twenties yet. I started to get the sense that this most likely would not be the case when I turned 21. I had six years left according to the ideal timeline I had built for myself, and I had only just held hands with a boy for the first time shortly before my 21st birthday. In comparison to my friends, my romantic accomplishments were much farther behind. This eventually developed into a cycle of numerous insecurities that still have yet to be broken, and I feel that this topic is rarely touched on.
Fast forward to the present, I am now 24. It feels like every day the pressure to be in a relationship gets stronger with almost every interaction I have. I have gotten to a point where I feel like I want nothing more than to be in a romantic relationship with someone. I watch my friends, roommates, people I follow on social media, family, etc. be in serious relationships, casually hooking up with others, or just having one-off sexual experiences. I cannot help but feel jealous and bitter. I lie awake at night wondering what must be so wrong with me that I can’t move past the talking stage with someone I like. As I get older, I worry that I will never experience the “innocent puppy love” many people have had because everyone else has already surpassed that level. I worry about my physical appearance. I constantly compare myself to almost every girl I see, trying to determine what exactly makes me less attractive or desirable that they do not have. Am I too loud? Do I need to wear make-up more often? Do I come off as too strong?
I know that this is a very dramatic way of thinking. I know that I am being irrational and that I am not alone in these experiences at all, however, the validation I am searching for has yet to be found.
I hope that this article reaches someone in the same place that I am. You are not alone. There is nothing wrong with where you are in life. The timeline you have set your life on does not actually matter; time is not linear. You are worth more than the things you have yet to do.
