Getting ready to enter my junior year of college, I wonder where all the time went. I remember just graduating high school and thinking that went by fast. Now I am looking for internships and seriously thinking about what I want to do once I graduate. Life is moving so quickly that sometimes I forget what I did even just yesterday. There are days when the weather is nice and I remember being able to go to the beach and sunbathe, while now I have to be inside working or doing school all day. There is so much pressure to have my life figured out at the age I am at and honestly it is exhausting the majority of the time.
Growing to become more financially independent has me stressed daily because of the debt I know I am slowly falling into. I am honored to have the opportunities I do at the university, but it makes me hope that every day is worth it. Along with paying for school, I will be living off-campus beginning next year. This means keeping up with a monthly rent, buying groceries every week, and buying the basic living necessities, such as shampoo and conditioner. A simple 15-hour a week on campus job won’t be enough to cover my living expenses. Along with this, I am using all the money I will make to save up for living off-campus, which means I won’t be able to save up as much to pay off debt once I graduate. These thoughts take up space in my head everyday of my life.
As you get older you also form new connections and meet a variety of people. While this can be uplifting, it can also cause a lot of comparisons. I noticed that as I become more involved in activities at my school, the more I feel like I’m not doing enough. I hear about different jobs, clubs, interviews that people take part in, and I think how I am so behind and I need to be doing more. Then I fear that because I am not doing enough, then I won’t be successful in the future. When I network with people I feel like everyone has it all figured out and I am even more lost than I was before I started talking to people. My worst fear is that I am growing up faster than I am ready for and the next thing I know I will have a full time job that I don’t enjoy. Obviously I want to make money when I grow up, but I have always said that I want a job that I genuinely enjoy. If this doesn’t happen for me then I will only have myself to blame.
Although all of these struggles are extremely frustrating at times, there is a good to it all. Being financially independent causes a lot of stress, but at the same time, it means I am not relying on anyone. This means that I can say I am doing my life on my own and doing what it takes to make it. When it comes to comparing myself to others, I realized that no one has their life figured out. What I hear about people is what they decide to present to me, the same as I do for others, and this obviously does not include the doubts I have about myself everyday. In the end, there will always be something better, someone better, and the day I stop trying to become a greater version of myself is the day I can say I’ve given up. Until then, having doubts and confusion is completely normal that everyone faces.
Life is messy, scary, and full of obstacles. Being a kid made growing up seem like so much fun and now that we’re in it, we wish we could go back. At the end of the day, every single person feels this way. Everyone has a different story, a different background and it’s important to remember this when you begin stressing about the pressure of knowing what you want to do and who you want to be. There will always be a never-ending cycle of pressure but this is what motivates us to be doing the most every single day.