Walking into my 8:00 am class on Monday morning with absolutely no makeup on, I wasn’t as self-conscious or insecure as I thought I’d be. Rather, I was very aware of myself – my skin, my mind, etc. I was conscious that I had zero makeup on my face, but wasn’t actually worried about what anyone would think. Although I’m not unfamiliar with going sans makeup for a day or two, I began to tire from the daily chore of application, and sometimes midday touchups, and sought out an abrupt alternative: “I’ll just not wear it for a while and see how that goes.” I don’t cake the products on, and application usually only takes about 10-15 minutes max, but my skin was beginning to get angry at me so I decided to give it a well-deserved vacation.
When you mix my fair skin tone with extreme sensitivity and acne prone tendencies, you get skin that is very temperamental and does not hesitate to let you know when it’s had enough. Unfortunately, this is typically in the form of intense redness and irritation, and usually any blemish will leave a scar or mark that is visible for up to two months after its initial appearance. Naturally, I was a little hesitant to let the world see my not-so-great complexion for fear of looking ‘tired’ or ‘dull’ in appearance. Don’t get me wrong – the women who don’t religiously wear makeup everyday aren’t any less beautiful than those who wear makeup regularly, and by all means shouldn’t feel that they have to start wearing it. But my decision to go a week devoid of makeup was an experiment to see just how confident I was/am in my own skin, and to see if I could in fact make it the whole seven days.
The first few days were actually very liberating. Being able to go about my day without worrying if my mascara had smudged or if my face was shiny was not as difficult as I thought. But going into day four, I cracked. I wore concealer that day, and couldn’t feel more disappointed and guilty. Those are probably the wrong words to use, but the overall feeling was of disbelief that I couldn’t even go four days without cosmetics. Although it was only concealer that covered up the dark circles I had acquired from a restless night, it completely defeated the purpose of the experiment because I allowed my brain to compromise for insecurities and break the promise I made with myself.
After that day, I found myself torn between two extremes: I loved my bare face (and my bare face probably appreciated me too), but I missed makeup. Not for its camouflaging abilities or its mask-like qualities, for I never wore enough makeup to have it look like a cakey mess or make me feel artificial. I actually missed spending a little time on myself. The 10 minutes I spent on “preparing my face” was when I prepared myself mentally for the day. And I can actually say that I missed it. But the feeling of confidence I have when wearing makeup was actually the same when I went sans cosmetics. I was no less confident and happy that week than when I wasn’t conducting a self-esteem experiment. That was what surprised me.
There’s something very satisfying about looking in the mirror and simply smiling at yourself, despite all the negative thoughts that may be trying to creep in and kill the mood. When you feel so exposed and “unguarded”, you think that everyone and their mother will be able to tell and may even point it out. I have some news for you: NO ONE CARES. They talk to you the way they would if you were wearing makeup, and couldn’t care less if you had a blemish or two. When you are comfortable with who you are as a person (with or without makeup), that radiates from within and everyone can see it. My self-esteem grew that week, amongst other things, and I wouldn’t trade that for all the cosmetics in the world. Whether you are the biggest ‘Glam-azon’ you know or rock your fresh face, a smile is the best makeup any girl can wear. So I encourage you to worry less about what you look like, and smile more!