As I’m sure your elders have reminded you many times, we are blessed to have amazing technology available to us on a daily basis that we take for granted. Our cohort has witnessed some of the most pronounced changes in technology in the shortest amount of time. In many fields including communication, new technology continues to beat out old technology as the new toys do more and do it faster.
The same elders that tell us to be thankful for our technology are usually the same ones that tell us that technology is ruining us — more specifically, ruining the way that we interact with others.
The latter is a statement up for contention, but it importantly asks us to evaluate how we communicate in the modern age.
The facts:
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We spend more time staring at screens than our parents did when they were our age
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We have more screens to stare at and often carry them in our pockets
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Texting tends to be more efficient than letter writing
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Video-calls are a realistic and common method of communication that was not around when we were kids
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Social media sites and apps that are used on a daily basis now were not around 10 years ago
The tools that we call phones now exist in a world where their namesake function is not their most utilized one. Realistically, I can hold a real-time conversation with anyone in the world with internet access at the push of a button, and we can choose to hold that conversation via talk, text, shared images, video, or a combination of media.
Which is why silence can be so lonely.
Someone who used to talk to you every day now talks to you every few months. You wonder how your old classmate is doing but choose not to message them. Even though people are easy to reach, it’s hard to reach out.
So, what gives? I’m not going to say that the ease of communication gifted to us by our current technology is a curse in disguise because it really is quite useful. The expectations that came with the gift, on the other hand, are where I would attribute the majority of our discomfort.
By granting us the privilege to organize our friends into different circles and tiers of “closeness”, our social media has forced us to make concrete conclusions about how much we like our different friends or what worlds we want to include them in. There are people that make the Christmas card list that you wouldn’t invite to your birthday party.
Some of us put effort into updating our friends and followers about how our lives are going, and we expect that to be sufficient for them unless one of us takes the additional step to become a part of our regular routines.
In addition to access to people, today’s technology makes it easier than ever to connect to our interests (whatever they may be). This availability of perfectly catered stimulation makes it harder to justify wasting time doing things we don’t want or need to do (including interacting with people).
It’s all well and good when we feel in control of who we are talking to. What hurts is that the absence of communication from someone else can be taken as a sign that they don’t care.
The explanations that I’ve given paint communication in a pseudo-capitalist light where interaction is based on the supply and demand of attention. However, we must be careful not to use interaction as the only meter for how much we care about others. I know that some of the people that I care about the most are the ones that I rarely talk to outside of my status updates. We catch up from time to time, but they aren’t a part of my daily life.
In all honesty, I’m glad that my phone isn’t always blowing up with messages from old friends. Even if I do think of them fondly, I don’t think it’s necessary to get real-time updates on everything in their lives. I do, however, want to make a conscious effort to reach out more often to the ones that I think about to say, “Hey, you’re still important to me”. And, honestly, I’d be fine if that’s where the conversation ended because they’re busy, and I’m busy, and the sentiment is clear.
Even if we aren’t talking, we are interacting in other ways. Our need to talk has been replaced. If that’s something you’re not okay with on a personal level, you can go ahead and try to interact with people more. As social participation moves into the cloud, it’s easier to “lean against the wall” and observe silently without the pressure to interact, which is a relieving option to many.
While today’s communication (or lack thereof) can be vexing, the way in which you do it, like much of today’s cutting edge technology, is customizable.