For some reason, every time someone hurts or betrays me and I know it’s their fault, I always resort to putting the blame on myself. All of my friends and family could be telling me that I had nothing to do with this person’s harmful actions, and yet I will still find a way to make the situation about what I can do to better myself. While this is true that obstacles should become lessons, it’s not a message saying you aren’t already enough just as you are. Distinguishing the difference between something being your fault versus something you are supposed to learn from is significant to healthily moving on in life.
To start off, think about something you know is one hundred percent your fault and you were completely in the wrong. For example, you talked about your friend negatively, and now they don’t want to be your friend. Now think of a situation where the first thought you had was that it wasn’t your fault in any way. For example, your boyfriend cheats on you or your teacher uses the wrong answers to correct your test, so you fail it. While there are more extreme cases of these examples, the idea is to understand the main difference between the situations. When something isn’t your fault, it’s because it was done to you, and when something is your fault, it’s something you do to yourself.
“nothing harmful done to you should be justified by the changes you are working on in your life.”
The reason people tend to blame themselves for everything is because they don’t like the idea that someone they care about, who they thought cared about them, could hurt them without reason. This being said, people try to think of what is wrong with themselves that would make a person want to hurt them. For example, when someone is cheated on, they might question why they weren’t enough for their significant other. When these types of thoughts cross your mind, it’s important to remember that while there is always room for improvement in your life, nothing harmful done to you should be justified by the changes you are working on in your life.
The majority of the time, we are hurt by someone, it’s because we care about them, and that makes it so difficult to process. The last step to moving past a situation is letting go of the pain it caused you. This can only be done if you realize how it has helped you rather than destroyed you and understand that there is nothing you can do about it anymore. Find a different way to look back on the situation and turn it into a memory that doesn’t bother you anymore. For example, the person who hurt you had a major loss in their life now because you are no longer in it. Or, you are onto bigger things in life now thanks to them teaching you a lesson you will carry the rest of your life.
Letting go of the past is much easier said than done, and not many people have actually done so. There are many steps to carrying on with life, but a vital step is to turn the negative outlook into a positive one. Unfortunately, people typically will get hurt by many people throughout their life, and not saying it gets easier, but you will learn how to understand more perspectives than just your own. Sorry to say this, but thank me later, not everything is about you. People will hurt you, and it won’t be your fault. So, take the time to understand what the hurt can bring for you in the future and make the steps it takes to become a better version of yourself.