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This fall’s Thanksgiving break was my first time going home to Seattle after beginning school at Cal Lutheran. It had been precluded by weeks of texting and snapchatting friends, making intricate plans for our short time together. Every conversation seemed to end with “I’m so excited to see you!” And I was. But I was also nervous. These were people that prior to graduation, I had seen at least five days a week for years on end. People who I had never had to ask to get lunch with, I’d simply go to our spot in the hall and they would be there. People who hanging out with could consist of sitting on a couch on our phones in comfortable silence, only interrupted to show each other funny animal videos we stumbled upon. Some of these people I had known before my memory could even recall. Now, simply seeing them was going to be an event. How could our friendship survive such a radical change?
On the first morning of Thanksgiving break, I picked up my friend on the way to meet our group at the University of Washington. He flung open the door with a smile, we hugged and went through the awkward necessities of “It’s been so long!” “How’s school going?” “Tell me everything!” (Well, uh, its good. School is good. I really like it. I’ve met some cool people. How about you?). After a couple blocks of Seattle traffic though, we relaxed back into our normal pattern, ranting about politics and the weather.
No sooner had we finally gotten out of the car after managing to find parking on campus, than our twin friends spotted us from their still-moving car and flew out to tackle us in bear hugs. But as we walked over to another friend’s dorm, there was near silence among the four of us. We made eye contact as if to recognize It’s amazing to see you. I can’t believe we’re all together again. But I don’t quite know where to begin.
In our final stop, the last member of our little group opened her door. “Oh hey guys. Come on in.”
Thus is the way when whole seasons of television shows air between the times you get to see your closest friends. Sometimes it seems like more of a required exchange of information, the update of each other’s major life events, than a real conversation or sincerity of wanting to spend time together (we will maintain this friendship whether you like it or not!). Other times you nearly cry with joy at the chance to see someone who means so much to you, perhaps even realizing for the first time how significant that relationship is. And finally, with some friends, it seems as if you just saw them yesterday, and this is just like any other day of grabbing Thai food and thrift-shopping.
By spring break of this year, I’d started to get the pattern down of reconnecting with those who matter to me. How to be excited to see each other, without putting some unrealistic expectation on the encounter by acting like you’ve just spotted your long-lost lover after ten years gone at sea. How to catch up on the important things going on in each other’s lives, while also just relaxing and enjoying one another’s company. You learn who you expect to still be repeating this pattern with in fifty years’ time, and, while it may be sad, you learn what friendships have simply become forced and you’re ready to move on from.
You’re told that in college you’ll make “friends for a lifetime!” and that’s absolutely true, but it can also sometimes feel like you have become alienated from your friends back home. Staying in touch and reconnecting with people is not always as easy as it seems, particularly if you only get to see them several times a year. That being said, there is perhaps no greater gift than overcoming these challenges and remaining close with your truest friends. As they say, “Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver, and the other’s gold.”
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