My relationship with my mother was always a little rough when I was in high school. I love her with all my heart, but we are too much alike in ways that aren’t compatible. We were both stubborn, and it would cause us to butt heads. There were many times we would argue to the point of tears, and I was so fed up with this routine by the time I was a senior.
I always knew that part of the reason we argued so much was because we just saw too much of one another. As harsh as it sounds, I thought the only way our relationship would become better was with distance, so I counted down the days until I could leave for college. I really thought it would be for the best.
The months leading up to my move-in day were better. I think both of us were a little wistful since I was leaving, but neither of us were sad. I was only going to be an hour and a half away from home, so that wasn’t as much of an issue. We were getting along well, and I was relieved because it reaffirmed my thoughts about how leaving would help us get along better.
Fast-forwarding to the middle of the semester, my first few months in college were so hard on me. I felt so lonely and isolated, and being on campus only made me feel worse. I started going home every weekend because I couldn’t stand being alone in my dorm anymore and seeing my mom made me feel so much better.
As I started coming back, I realized that my trips home helped my mom in the same way they helped me. She would vent to me about whatever was weighing on her that week, and I know she felt better after talking to me. I didn’t tell her about my own struggles at school until later, but listening to her confide in me and find comfort in me helped us grow closer.
After coming home for winter break, I felt like my mom and I had a newfound appreciation for each other. Something about being away from home and being responsible for myself made me understand her a little more. I realized that a lot of our recurring arguments were over small things that I let myself get so caught up in, and I realized that a lot of her stubbornness came from stress. I felt like it was so much easier to get along with her, and I swore that it was because of the distance.
However, back in March when quarantine began, I was so nervous that having to go back home for months would cause me and my mom to go back to our old ways with one another, and I was surprised to realize that that wasn’t the case.
What really helped our relationship wasn’t necessarily the distance and time away from each other, but it was that we realized how much we really relied on each other. I genuinely believe my mom and I learned how to appreciate each other, and that’s why our relationship has gotten better.
This Thanksgiving, there’s much to be thankful for, but what I’m most grateful for is that I finally have the relationship with my mom that I’ve always wanted.
