One of the most confusing times in my life was when I made the realization that I am bisexual. I realized this a few months into my freshman year of college, almost exactly one year ago. It was such a stressful time in my life because I was already juggling a new campus, living away from home for the first time, and adjusting to college life, and then on top of all of this change, I was starting to see other girls in a different way. As an already anxious, change-resistant individual, my brain resisted the idea that I could be bisexual since so much of my identity was wrapped up in being “straight.” Even though several of my friends in high school were part of the LGBTQ+ community so I would have had a safe place to come out, I never had any doubt in my mind that I was straight.
When I started to develop feelings for a girl for the first time, I was terrified and confused, not because I had a problem with the idea, but because I had a hard time handling the change to my personal identity. I remember immediately stressing out about how I was going to tell people, whether any guy I tried to date would think it was weird, whether other girls would feel comfortable around me, and whether I would even be accepted by the LGBTQ+ community. Even though I did have several friends in the community, I felt like I would not belong because I was still questioning whether I was really bisexual, or maybe this one crush was just a fluke and I would never like another girl ever again.
I spent the first semester of college agonizing over how to define my sexuality and how to explain it to other people. One thing I wish I could go back and tell myself at that time is that there is no right way to be bisexual: you do not have to like both genders 50/50, you do not even have to date multiple genders. Being bisexual simply means that you have the capacity to be attracted to more than one gender- anything beyond that varies with the individual. How one person experiences bisexuality is completely unique to them and cannot be compared to other bisexual people. For me, my attraction to each gender felt like a pendulum swing at first. I would go through periods of time where I was more attracted to men, or times where I was more attracted to women. Now my experience has evolved to a more 50/50 split, but it by no means has to be. Some of the biggest misconceptions surrounding bisexuality are that bisexual people are confused; they are still trying to decide which gender they prefer and that it is just a stepping stone to being gay or lesbian. Not only are these stereotypes false, but they are also harmful to the individuals who identify as bisexual because we feel as though others are trying to force us to pick a side or telling us that what we feel is invalid. Whatever way an individual experiences bisexuality is beautiful and valid.
My biggest fears surrounding coming out were that the LGBTQ+ community would not accept me and that my heterosexual friends would be uncomfortable. I thought I was late in my coming out process. It felt like everyone else already understood their sexuality and I was somehow behind. I did not realize that many other people have the same struggle and often do not figure it out until even later than I did. Because I was always “straight” and was still figuring things out, I did not feel comfortable talking about it openly for almost a year. Last week, I officially came out on all my social media accounts for Bi Visibility Day. Despite my fears and insecurities, I knew it was something that I wanted to be able to do. I was tired of changing the names of the girls I was seeing to boys’ names when I talked to my friends who did not know yet, and tired of trying to stay ambiguous when giving details in hopes that they would not notice. I just did not know how to bring it up and was not sure how they would react. I was shocked last Wednesday at the positivity and support I received from all my friends, even the ones that I did not expect to be so supportive. I feel so much gratitude towards everyone who has made my experience feel valid and accepted me for who I am.
Bisexuality Week is all about acknowledging the beauty and validity of bisexual people and recognizing that it is not a phase, it is not a stepping stone, and it is not us wanting attention. In the media, bisexuality is rarely portrayed as anything other than experimentation or promiscuity, and this leads to people getting the false impression that bisexual people cannot be satisfied in a monogamous relationship, or that they are trying to get attention by saying they like both genders. I have personally had both of these things said to me when they could not be further from the truth. While we are making great strides with LGBTQ+ representation in the media, we still have a long way to go in helping change the public’s perception of what it means to be bisexual.