As humans we are naturally inclined to be social beings. We are drawn to be with other people, whether platonic or romantic. We tend to flourish when surrounded by new people or just people in general; college almost sounds like the perfect place then. However, in college, everyone is constantly busy with their course load, jobs, clubs, or sports and finding time for others can become difficult. Since we are all busy, many of us end up having periods where we have to be alone. But who really wants to be by themselves?
How do we become comfortable with our alone time? What are we supposed to do by ourselves? How do we get comfortable with eating alone in the cafeteria or heading to the gym? How do we learn to appreciate our alone time?
“to not need that sense of codependency, to walk with confidence wherever you are. It is a skill that takes time and practice”
I would argue being comfortable by yourself is one of the most valuable skills a person could have. To not need that sense of codependency, to walk with confidence wherever you are. It is a skill that takes time and practice. This is my senior year, and in a lot of ways, I am still learning how to be comfortable with myself and with my alone time. Here are some truths to help you ease into being alone:
- Nobody, Absolutely Nobody Cares.
To fully be comfortable on your own, you first need to accept that no one cares about you. That sounds incredibly harsh but what it means is that no one thinks you are weird for grabbing your Starbucks by yourself, just like no one cares if you grab your Starbucks with two of your friends. The idea that people are always staring at you is an idea we make up in our own heads. When we realize everyone is focused on themselves, we quickly realize that we are free to do whatever we want.
- Nobody Knows You Better Than You
Some days I feel the need to share so much about myself with others, but on other days things just feel too heavy to put on someone else. I learned that instead of holding onto the heavy stuff or unloading it on someone else, I can do it all on my own. I take to my notes app or the countless journals in my room and simply write whatever it is I am feeling.
- You Learn As You Go
Everything comes with time, and you will find a greater sense of peace the more aligned you become with yourself. If you never give yourself the chance to be alone, then you’ll be shocked at how hard it is for you to be with yourself. Give yourself the opportunity to watch a movie alone or make dinner for yourself. Show up for yourself rather than waiting for someone to show up for you.
Everyone tells you to love yourself before you love others. Love your alone time so you can better enjoy your time with and without others. The quicker you learn to appreciate your time is the moment your peace can no longer be disturbed. People can come and enter or leave as they please, and you will still be there for you. You will no longer feel like a piece of you is missing when your people are not around, rather you will remain whole and combine with other wholes as you wish. We are social beings, so make a stable support system, but also be the solid foundation of that system. You do not have to spend every day alone, but you can spend hours at a time that way. I wish you the best of luck becoming comfortable with yourself.