Before winter break, I remember feeling so relieved as the end of the semester inched closer and closer because all I wanted was a break. I was so excited to finally have free time again to do all the things I had been putting off for the sake of finishing my school work.
My first order of business for this break was to completely organize my room, which looked like a tornado of clothes and wrapping paper had run through it. I was so excited that I would finally have the time to dedicate a whole day to clean it up, and I had promised myself it would be my first priority.
The issue was I kept pushing it off for one reason or another, and then the days started blending together. I started waking up past noon and falling asleep as the sun was coming up. I felt like I was wasting my whole day because I would only be awake during the last three hours of daylight.
I hated feeling like I had lost my whole day, so I made up for it around the house. I would wash dishes, clean my bathroom, make my brothers and I something to eat, and feed my pets. These bursts of energy and motivation were great and they made me think I would finally be able to put the same energy into my room. However, as soon as I would walk back inside, I would feel heavy and tired, so I’d get back into bed.
And it stayed that way for a while. When it came to helping everyone else, I was more than willing, but I just couldn’t put that same energy back into myself. Aside from not cleaning my room or doing my laundry, I was also avoiding doing things that I knew would make me happy like dying my hair or doing my makeup. I just felt like I never had enough time to dedicate to myself entirely.
At some point, I realized that I was actively making myself feel worse by letting myself off the hook day after day. I knew I had to get out of the funk I was in, and I knew it would get better as soon as I started cleaning my room. From there, all I had to do was start.
So I started. I turned on a podcast and started sorting through my dirty clothes so I could do a few loads of laundry. I continued by clearing off my vanity and organizing my jewelry box. By the time I was done with that, it was 6 a.m. so I decided to just pick up where I left off whenever I woke up.
I applied this same reasoning to the rest of the things I had wanted to do over break, and it gave me the opportunity to enjoy the last bit of free time I would have before classes started again.
As I go into the new semester, I will remember the battle of the messy room as a way to remind myself that even the smallest step forward is still a step forward. It is possible to break down big projects into smaller, more manageable tasks in order to keep yourself from getting overwhelmed. I am proud of myself for finally realizing this and being able to start the semester with a clean slate and a clean room.