Part Three: Bumble
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single college student in possession of free time must be in want of a date.
The solution, or so I’m told, is to join a dating app. But which one? That is the unsolvable mystery I set out to solve. I went through the torture of joining five dating apps so you don’t have to. You can thank me later.
The Sites: OKCupid, Bumble, EHarmony, Match, and Tastebuds.
Bumble (Cost: Free)
Bumble is supposedly the feminist version of Tinder created by the same people as Tinder. Basically, same mechanism as Tinder except once you match, only the girl can initiate contact. The catch? You only have 24 hours before that match disappears into oblivion.
The good and the bad are intrinsically intertwined so I’ll mix them together here.
The guys on here are ridiculously good looking. I mean, so ridiculously good looking that as I discussed it with my friends we all agreed they were too good to be true. Suspicions, it turns out, weren’t too far off base. I matched with over 25 people pretty much immediately and despite my best effort, got barely a peep. In case you don’t believe me on the ridiculously good looking part:
Those were just my first three swipes.
However, once I matched with people and came up with (what I thought) were some pretty good opening lines/questions, there were no responses. Which is too bad, the guy with the giraffe seemed pretty cool. I was just beginning to doubt the actual existence of the these Adonis-like males who all worked as lawyers and models when I bumbled across a guy on campus.
Not just any guy, mind you, but the guy that every girl I had ever met on campus that had met him wanted to date. Which leads to the awkward moment I hadn’t expected to deal with (which is silly, of course it would happen) of deciding whether I should swipe left or right on a guy I knew, and saw regularly. I made my choice (I’ll let you guess) and then braved the campus knowing I’d inevitably run into him. I did and it wasn’t awkward because we both pretended that we hadn’t seen each other on a dating app.
(Source: giphy.com)
I wanted to test my theory that the rest of the people on there weren’t human so, the pretend scientist I am, I decided to test the various independent variables. Specifically, since I was getting matched but they weren’t responding, I tested my opening line. I did an extensive Google search (this is top level science here) and tried to find the best Bumble opening lines.
(Source: giphy.com)
The winners were surprising and I had a hard time believing them. I almost didn’t try them they seemed so ridiculous but science is science.
(Source: Giphy.com)
And they worked. Color me shocked. Apparently gems like “Important question: do you bite your string cheese or sting it?” and “Here’s my opening line: _________” are winning starters. And here I thought cheesy lines didn’t ever work.
I discovered, through further scientific testing, that the real secret to getting answers was starting with “Vital question:” and following it up with a tailored non-vital question. For example, I got a photographer to respond with “Vital question: Nikon or Canon?”, an outdoorsy guy with: “Vital question: how long would you survive on Naked and Afraid?” and a geeky youtuber with “Vital question: HP house?” (that’s Harry Potter for all you muggles out there). This also resulted in longer conversations.
Of course while I had a charming conversation with one of the cheese guys, including him sending me a picture of string cheese in the middle of our convo one day, but it ended when he said that what people find the most unique about him was his sexuality because he was “experienced and involved in BDSM”. Ummm… 50 shades of nope. So it’s up to my readers to decide if the kind of guy that answers to questions about cheese, is the kind of guy you want to go on a date with.
Speaking of dates, I haven’t gotten a single one. Two asked and two received no’s.
Still, it’s been entertaining and the eye candy is nice. I’ve had interesting conversation about cheese and HP houses and cameras.
And anything is better than Match.
The worst part of Bumble?
The ages aren’t accurate. I didn’t realize it until this happened three times:
Apparently since Bumble draws everything from Facebook and the older guys (the oldest I saw was 41) don’t know how to change that. If you’re on Bumble, you should get on the technology train. Google how to change your age.
But this problem is a serious concern- what if the three I saw weren’t all the inaccurate ages on there? Guys, make sure your age shows up correctly. Another note: your pictures seem to update when you post to Facebook, so if you’re uploading pictures of you kissing another girl you might want to take down your profile or, you know, do a better job of hiding that whole girlfriend thing.
For the record, I joined Tinder on another Her Campus girl’s suggestion and for comparison. Seems like less attractive guys, less matches (two so far), and worse lines.
“You so attractive” just doesn’t work for me. I need verbs, I’ve learned.
Overall not my favorite of the apps, but definitely the most entertaining.