Being an introvert is hard. Especially while being in college where it feels like party central most of the time. Parties and social gatherings are the ideal places to mingle and find a potential partner, and it works out for a lot of people. For many, going up to a person is not rocket science. They can go up and ask a person for their phone number with confidence and then be the one to start the conversation the next day.
But what does dating look like for us introverts?
Well, the dating scene is most definitely different for everybody. But, you’d be surprised as to how the dating life among introverts shares a similar story. And how does it start, you may ask? It starts with the fact that most of us introverts prefer a night in rather than a night out.
Since I’ve gotten to college, I have only gone to one party…and I absolutely hated it. I have spent my weekend nights with my fellow introverted suitemates lounging in our common living area and watching our favorite films or TV shows. And then on top of that, I get to bed at around 10:00 to be on my own and read or scroll through TikTok for way longer than I should. Then when I read, I fall in love with the fictional characters and complain about how men in real life are nothing like fictional men. Do I feel like a loser at times? Absolutely. I’ve had many instances where I lay in bed and think to myself that I should be out doing something since I’m young and single. But then I give myself a reality check and remember how much I hate parties. At the one party I went to, I was very stiff and I was also third wheeling my friend and her date. As someone who doesn’t really drink, there really isn’t a way for me to let loose and relax in that kind of environment, and my anxiety and self-consciousness was through the roof at that point in time. That experience alone has kept me away from Charleston’s nightlife. And as much as I am self aware of the fact that I do not like those kinds of social settings, I still wonder sometimes ‘hm, why have I never had a boyfriend? Is there something wrong with my appearance?’. And of course the obvious argument as to why I’ve never had a boyfriend is because I am never really in a setting to talk to guys since I like to stay in. Furthermore, I sit next to women in the majority of my classes, so I don’t talk to guys in that type of setting either. It really is a struggle to be an introvert and want to potentially date because you have to leave your bubble and charging station to place yourself in a different environment. It’s anxiety inducing, and I will never not be jealous of people who can just put themselves out there and not be afraid of rejection. But also, if you are like me and love a good night in as opposed to a night out, I promise that you are not a loser. You like what you like, and if it serves you in any way, then just own it!
Remember what I mentioned about initiating conversations? Well, introverts are terrible at that.
Say you do get yourself to a party and you see the cutest person you’ve ever seen in your life. If you’re an introvert, I can guarantee that you will not be the one to go up to them- even if you make eye contact. The thing about being an introvert is that we are always in our own heads. That being said, we fear rejection and try to avoid the anxiety of possibly being rejected. Many of us will always assume the worst. Whereas an extrovert might go up to the person they’ve got their eye on, an introvert would already assume that their person is not interested or that they made eye contact by accident. And this anxiety of starting conversations doesn’t even have to be for in-person instances, it can be online too. For example, I have Tinder because it is my only way to mingle with guys without going to parties. Whenever I match with someone on Tinder, I am never the one to start a conversation. Even though we’ve already matched, I still get scared that if I say something, they won’t respond or will find me stupid. Even though I am not even face to face with the person, I still fear rejection. With this in mind, it is still really hard to build relationships when I lack confidence online too. But, I must admit, as much as I still fear rejection on dating apps, it is much easier to talk to guys on that platform than in person!
Another aspect that we must consider is if we are surrounded by friends who already have significant others. This can even go for extroverts too!
When we are surrounded by people who are both dating and are in the relationship stage, being in a relationship can be rubbed your face. It’s like being in a relationship is put on a pedestal as something to achieve. Third wheeling, or being left alone in your living space because your friend(s) are with their partners can make you feel like you have to be in a relationship too. I have gone on a couple of dates within these last couple of months, but I was not fully feeling it. This made me feel like there was something wrong with me because most people my age are dating and a lot of people in my personal life are in relationships. So even after I moved on from this person, I still tried my luck on Tinder and did not connect with the guys I was talking to. In these moments where we try and try and try, we have to ask ourselves: do I really want to be in a relationship or do I think that I should be in a relationship because everyone else is? And I’m sure you can guess the answer to this one!
Through going on dates and talking to people on Tinder, I realize that I am very independent and I enjoy being single at the moment and this may be the case for you too! It is so easy to force things when your environment makes you think that you have to be in a relationship. That being said, there is nothing wrong with being single! If you feel fulfilled in the situation that you are in, then that is enough. It is your life, you decide when you are ready to be in a relationship!