Valentine’s Day is almost here. For some, this means a romantic night out or a girl’s night. For others, it means nothing. Then, there are those that absolutely hate Valentine’s Day. I’m a mix of all three.
This year, I have an amazing partner to celebrate with. He is currently trying to formulate the perfect date for us. He has never celebrated Valentine’s Day with a significant other before, so he is super excited. I, however, have had several terrible Valentine’s Day dates. This has created a lot of anxiety around the holiday for me. At first, I asked if we could just skip the celebration and pretend it’s just a normal day. My plan was to completely protest Valentine’s Day.
I told my mom my plan and she stated that it was really unfair to my boyfriend to not celebrate even once. After that, I really thought about why I hated the holiday so much. I realized it was deeper than anxiety. I was angry. I was angry that I had been so mistreated around this time in the past. I was angry I wasn’t enough for my past partners. I texted one of my old friends and talked about what I was feeling. My anxiety and anger didn’t feel so big anymore now that I understood it and shared it. After a lot of thought, here is what I learned about pain and moving on:
I am allowed to heal. I don’t have to carry every bad thing that has ever happened to me. I used to believe that people were just selfish by nature. I now know that is a lie. Everyone is learning and growing, which means sometimes we hurt others or get hurt. Moving on does not mean you are okay with what happened in the past. Moving on means that you are strong enough to not let past pain affect your present peace.
Being open to celebrating Valentine’s Day made me feel more vulnerable. I am now learning how to forgive my past partners and carry on. This journey is making me stronger and more resilient. I intend to have a beautiful Valentine’s Day with no whispers from my past interfering.