According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, “up to 30 million people of all ages and genders suffer from an eating disorder (anorexia, bulimia, and binge-eating disorder) in the US.” Most people don’t think twice about eating disorders—if you’ve never personally dealt with one or had a loved one who dealt with one, then it’s impossible for you to understand.
I have had quite a few people in my life who have suffered from eating disorders and most people think that eating disorders are as simple as not eating, or making yourself sick after you eat. But that is far from the case.
One friend who is especially close to me agreed to explain the specifics of her eating disorder to help get rid of this misperception. Here is her story:
“An eating disorder is so much more than just not eating or throwing up after a meal. It controls every aspect of your life. It consumes who you are. An eating disorder is one day looking in a mirror and ‘realizing’ how fat you are. It’s cutting back on meals. It’s obsessing over pictures of stick thin women with their bones poking out. It’s excercising until you feel like you’re going to throw up, but you can’t let yourself stop. It’s crying in dressing rooms. It’s chewing food but then spitting it out because you’re starving, but you don’t want the calories in your body. It’s counting calories. It’s not chewing gum because that piece of gum has ten calories in it. It’s crying in your bathroom for an hour because you ate a sandwich. It’s constantly weighing yourself.
“It’s drinking hot tea so the warm liquid will fill your stomach and make you feel full. It’s taking diet pills and metabolism boosting pills. It’s your hair falling out. It’s eating extra slowly so that you’ll get full before you eat too much. It’s being cold all the time, even when it’s warm outside. It’s drinking disgusting things that are supposed to boost your metabolism. It’s your fingernails turning blue. It’s standing in the kitchen at 10:00 at night and crying in front of the stove because you’re absolutely starving and haven’t eaten all day, but that pack of ramen you’re contemplating has 160 calories in it and that’s just 160 calories too many. It’s, on other days, eating and eating until you can’t stop and then you feel physically ill.
“It’s not just not eating or making yourself sick. It’s micro managing every aspect of your life so that you’re always burning a calorie. It’s absolutely hating yourself and wishing you were dead. It’s seeing pictures of starving children in Africa and actually being jealous of how their bones stick from their figures, and then hating yourself for thinking that. It’s not being able to enjoy family dinner or going out to eat with your friends. It’s horrible. It’s disgusting. It takes away your soul. It’s looking in a mirror one day and not even seeing yourself—all you see is the disorder.
“Whenever I look at pictures of stick thin girls on the verge of death because of their disorder, I can literally see the disorder in their eyes. It looks the same on every person. The face of an eating disorder is the face of death, because if you don’t get help, it will kill you. Anorexia is the leading cause of death of any mental illness. An eating disorder dehumanizes you and it takes away who you are. I wouldn’t wish one on my worst enemy.”
Many men and women alike suffer from eating disorders around the world, and they are literally killing them. If you know anyone who is struggling with an eating disorder, please make sure they get help, and if you yourself are suffering from an eating disorder know this—you are not alone.
You are strong and worthy and food is not the enemy, your disorder is. Please get help. By raising awareness we can hopefully try to put an end to this monster of a mental illness
If you or someone you know is suffering from an eating disorder or another mental illness, there are resources available for you at CofC.