11 Things I'd Rather Have Than Kids

There is often a stigma surrounding women that at some point in their life they need to have kids.  Our bodies are glorified birthing machines whose only purpose is to reproduce.  For one, that’s totally wrong.  Second, as women we’re not obligated to any person, higher power or whatever to have children.  If you want kids though, that’s you’re own choice and more power to you for choosing to do so (you’ll be a great parent).  For me, however, that’s not the case.  So in homage to that fact, here are a few things I would much rather have than children.  

Dogs

Lots of dogs.  All the dogs.  All of them.  I will be a dog mom before I’m ever a real mom.  Plus, although dogs do go to the bathroom they at least can be trained to go outside.  And there’s no blood curdling screams that come from them.

Cats

Maybe not as cool as dogs but they’re still better than kids.  Just think about all the snuggles you can get from them without having to deal with the fact that you have to raise a child for 18 years and support them through school, young adulthood and so on.  Plus, think of all the kitty snuggles?

The Stomach Flu

Okay, maybe I’m being dramatic but I’d take being unable to keep food down and feeling awful than have to take care of kids.  I mean I can barely take care of myself let alone another person (especially if they too have the stomach flu).  

A Nokia Phone

They are old school and indestructible almost.  You know what’s not? Children.  Yeah, you can’t accidentally drop them and have them still work fine.  Think about it.  

To Walk in the Rain Without an Umbrella

Sopping feet, shirt drenched, hair looking like a dog that just got a bath.  Yeah, I’d take that uncomfortable state of being over 18 years of having to raise a child (and probably for the first two years of it’s life look like this).  Just think of it as a shower without soap.  

To Take a Math Class

This might just be specific to me because I’m not a math or science major and detest these type of classes, but I’d rather sit through an advanced algebra or calculus class than even think about having a kid.  The equations, numbers, professors that go on for hours with a monotone voice, sign me up.

A Conversation with Someone with Different Political Views

Yeah this will get messy, but not as messy as a child.  

To Sit Through a Meeting That Could Have Been an E-mail

You know those meetings that last an hour and a half but really only encompass about three things but people keep asking questions that could be clarified if they were reading the material?  Yeah those meetings are excruciating, probably as excruciating as having a child and living without sleep for a year or two.  But I’d take one of those meetings over the latter.  

To Run a Marathon

This actually sounds kind of fun to me but I’d much rather train for and run a marathon than have kids.  Sure it might take me nine months or more to train to run 26.2 miles but I like the sound of the pride you’ll feel when it’s over and done with.

To Eat Soup with a Fork

Okay, now I’m just being silly and this sounds super hard to do–but not as hard as trying to navigate the world of parenthood and raising someone to the ripe age of 18.  

To Raise a Roof

The roof may not be my child but I will raise it (and not in the fun party sense).  I’d literally rather build a house and raise the roof onto it than have a child. At least a house I can live in.  You can’t live in a child. 

I may not want to have children now but someday I may want to.  Things might change.  But as of right now, this is how I feel about becoming a parent and having kids.  To my friends and those who are having children, you do you.  Congrats!  You’re going to be amazing parents.  I, however, am just not ready for it quite yet.