Relationships and Labels

You walk into CVS with a pounding headache, and you bolt straight toward the pharmacy section to grab some Advil. You approach the aisle only to find that every product is unlabeled. For all you know, the bottle of pills that you hope is Advil, is actually full of laxatives.

As you can see, situations without labels inevitably lead to complication. So why do we choose to complicate our relationships by avoiding labels? More often than not, someone chooses to avoid a label because they have a commitment to someone else, or fear engaging in a new commitment. There may be an ex-girlfriend in the blurred picture, or it’s too soon to move on. When you have a relationship with someone without a label, there are no specific ground rules for behavior. You aren’t expected to be fully invested and committed, but you can’t expect your partner to perform well in a position that they didn’t apply for.

With complicated roles, being involved in an unlabeled relationship comes with surprises. One surprise happens when introducing each other. You’re at a social event with your partner and you’re about to meet their friends for the first time. “Oh hey guys, this is my…” The moment of truth. “This is…” Wait what? Why is it shortened? Surprise! Your partner feels uncomfortable introducing you with a label. Additional surprise may come from holidays like Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day is a “holiday” that begs for attention to labels. It also confirms or disproves where you think you may stand with someone. I think that if you are in an unlabeled relationship, the best course of action is to go out to dinner. That way you won’t make your partner feel uncomfortable by getting them something, and you don’t risk the embarrassment of not receiving anything in return.

An unlabeled relationship comes with some benefits, but if the goal of avoiding labels is to limit drama, you may be better off single or in a labeled relationship. If you’re completely single, you aren’t tied down to anyone and you can pursue whatever options you like without consideration for anyone else’s feelings but your own. If you’re unlabeled but exclusive with your partner, matters become complicated. You aren’t sure of what may hurt your partner or if you’re in the position to be upset by your partner’s actions. If you’re in an official relationship, both partners know what is/isn’t fair, and how to treat one another. Both partners know the expected behavior and there are standard rules to abide by.

Ultimately, I think we can agree that labels are ideal. They clarify relationships and avoid confusing complications. Every relationship encounters the pivotal question of “What are we?”, and this question is best answered sooner rather than later. I think we would all rather realize that we grabbed laxatives instead of Advil before it’s too late to return them to the pharmacy.