At first they sound outlandish, so you laugh them off. Next thing you know, it’s 2am and you’re reading an article that details how the Queen of England is really former-Beatles member Paul McCartney in a wig and the Royal Family is just a front for an international drug cartel. You know you love them: conspiracy theories.
Pokémon Go is a Government Spy Program
We all remember the summer of 2016 when everyone was mindlessly hunting Pikachu instead of, well, just about anything else. Remember that annoying little page that popped up, asking you if the app could track your location while you were using it? While you might have thought that the purpose of this was to place cartoon squirrels along the side of the road during your morning drive, the app’s motive might have been more nefarious. In fact, there are those who believe that Pokémon Go is actually a spy program, run by our government, for the purposes of being able to track its citizens, or “players” at all hours of the day. This may sound far-fetched, but think about it. It’s a pretty genius way to have people install a tracking device without even realizing it. Maybe next time you’ll think twice about allowing an app to access your location…
The Titanic Never Sank
Sorry for the spoilers everyone, but the very well-documented history of the sinking of the seemingly unsinkable Titanic is wrong. J.P. Morgan, the owner of White Star Line, ordered the construction of three nearly identical ships: the Olympic, the Britannic, and the Titanic. The theory goes that, on her maiden voyage, the Olympic collided with another ship, resulting in damages to the vessel. The Royal Navy determined that White Star Line, and therefore J.P. Morgan, was liable for the incident. J.P. Morgan, not wanting to pay thousands of dollars in repairs and legal fees, disguised the Olympic as the Titanic by switching the names on the ships, and allowing it to set sail that fateful April morning. Then, when the “Titanic” (aka the Olympic) sunk, the insurance policy on the ship covered the expenses, allowing J.P. Morgan to weasel his way out of paying legal fees for the incident with the Olympic. This might all seem too fantastical to be real, but this might change your mind: J.P. Morgan was supposed to be aboard the Titanic, but cancelled his voyage at the last minute.
Justin Bieber is a Lizard Person
For better or for worse, this is not the first time that I’ve heard the theory that claims that a popular figure or celebrity has some sort of reptilian roots. Though evidence backing up the existence of these surreptitiously scaly pop culture icons seems to be lacking, that hasn’t stopped tinfoil hats (i.e. conspiracy theorists) from collecting alleged eyewitness accounts. Some anonymous Australian eyewitness claim that they saw the Biebster transform (quite nonchalantly, I might add) from a Canadian hunk to a full-blown reptile at an airport in broad daylight. One source, in fact, said that he was, “just staring [at Bieber] because he kept turning into a huge reptile.” Despite hundreds of fans having witnessed Bieber’s shocking transformation, video testimony seems scarce, and by that I mean completely non-existent. Lizard man or not, I know I’m still going to totally jam every time Boyfriend comes on.
Truthfully, I’m a little skeptical about the accuracy of the lizard people sitings (but I could probably be convinced) and the possibility of the government watching us through our computer screens (honestly all they’d see if 4 straight hours of me watching The Office and eating dried mangoes). But, who knows, Paul McCartney does bear a shocking resemblance to the Queen…