Internalized Misogyny at Bucknell

Internalized misogyny: The unconscious misogynistic behavior or attitudes displayed by women themselves; a result of a patriarchal society where even woman who are dedicated to gender equality may find themselves having ingrained sexism towards the ideals of femininity such as appearance, sexuality, relationships, lifestyle etc.  

Living in patriarchal society, we are all subject to misogynistic ideals, and it is up to us to check ourselves.  Take a look at this list to see how internalized misogyny might be sneaking up on you. Keep in mind as you are reading that even the most feminist woman will find herself thinking and doing some of these things. It is not about making ourselves feel bad, but about recognizing the ways in which we might be policing ourselves and others into fitting the idea of what a woman “should be.”  We must recognize these things in order to be truly supportive of each other.    

• Do you find yourself often taking more pride in your masculine qualities than your feminine ones?

• Do you have moments where you sometimes buy into the phenomenon of the “cool girl” (who always eats junk food, hangs with the guys, is super pretty, always gives blowjobs etc.)?

• Do you ever accidentally find yourself slut-shaming even though you know it is wrong?

• Do you ever resent “feminine” women who may take more time on their appearance than you do?

• Do you ever use the phrase “i am not like other girls” or find this to be a compliment?

• Have you ever rathered hanging out with men than women because you “hate drama”?

• Have you ever started a sentence with “Real women…”?

• Have you ever evaluated a women as if her worth is based on her family i.e children and partner or her looks?

• When you imagine a utopia of gender equality, do you see women as being more like men or being accepted for being themselves?

• Have you ever looked in the mirror and wished your body was different, not because you are unhealthy, but because you do not align with modern standards of beauty that are often unreachable?

• Have you ever wondered if something was “too dangerous” or “too challenging” for another women to take on, say at Climb Bucknell? Or a woman in your engineering group who volunteers to drill?

• Have you ever been untrustworthy or more critical of a female professor than a male professor?

• Have you ever shamed another woman because her handwriting is not as flowery and beautiful as yours?

• Do you take pride in taking the shortest showers in your hall or on your team?

• Have you ever used the term “feminazi”?

• Have you ever claimed that feminism is unnecessary and insignificant because you identify as a woman but do not feel you face problems? Do you ever feel embarrassed by feminism or the recent global women’s march?

• Have you ever laughed at a joke about a dumb blonde that someone may have told in the Bison?

• Do you ever find yourself feeling insecure about your body hair and feel the need to apologize, even at the Health Care Center or at yoga? Do you ever experience negative feelings towards another woman who chooses to not shave?

• Do you ever get embarrassed buying feminine hygiene products, or even hate the loud noise opening a pad makes when you are in the bathroom and try to hide it?

• Do you find yourself believing that breastfeeding and menstruation are taboo topics?

• When you see ads for breast cancer that are highly sexualized do you not take a second look?

• Have you played video games and stayed away from being the female character?

• Did you hate pink or other “girly” colors growing up?

• Have you ever made fun of another woman for struggling to walk In heels?

• Do you ever blame a woman in your class for a miscommunication because they should have “spoke up” or “been louder”?

• Do you only watch men’s sports because they are more popular and “better athletes”?

• Do you ever read a book or see a movie with a strong female character and agree with others who review it as being “unrealistic”?

• Do you refuse to wear makeup because people have told you it makes you inauthentic?

• Do you look at how the media and movies romanticize unhealthy relationships and rape culture but still insist that you are “team edward”?

• Have you ever seen a prostitute, teen mom, sexual assault victim-survivor etc. and automatically look down upon them?

• Have you ever seen a female politician and thought she is less qualified or that she is missing out on being with her kids?

• Have you ever been competitive with other women because you feel she is “more attractive” than you?

• Are you ever at the gym and get uncomfortable if a woman has a sports bra on and not a shirt and wish she would “cover up”?

• Do you ever find yourself telling a friend that her bra strap is showing with an intention of having her hide it or to make fun of her?

• Do you ever look at another woman’s bitten nails and think they are gross instead of worrying about her and her possible anxiety?

• Have you ever felt sorry for a female friend that is not in a relationship?

• Have you ever considered infertility to be a disability and makes someone “less of a woman”?

• Have you ever felt pressured to fake an orgasm with a partner?

• Have you ever not received equal sexual pleasure from your partner because you feel you do not deserve it or it is “too much trouble”?

• Do you feel you have a “right” to go into parties without waiting because you identify as a female?

• Have you ever been guilty of Victim blaming?

• Do you believe that stay at home moms are “bad feminists’?

• Do you ever think being emotional is weak and bad?

• Have you ever claimed that real women have curves or “fat shamed”?

• Have you ever referred to your partner’s ex-girlfriend as “crazy” without even knowing her or the details of their relationship?

• Do you ever feel intimidated by a woman who does not smile all the time, every second of the day, and ask her what is wrong?

• Do you ever use the word “resting bitch face”?

• Do you say “that time of the month” instead of saying period?

• Do you dance around saying the word vagina?

• Do you see women going into the weight room and not cheer them on or go for support, but think they are making a mistake or will get hurt?

• Do you ever see female peers in Rotc or women in the armed forces and think they are “less feminine”?

• Do you ever feel bad for “friendzoning” someone?

• Have you ever gone out with someone who already has a girlfriend?

• Do you find father daughter dates to be extremely cute and  normal?

• Have you ever told a female friend she looks skinny instead of pretty or healthy?

• Do you ever shame another woman for having her hair natural and non-conforming to Eurocentric beauty standards?

• Do you claim that Donald Trump is not sexist because he has appointed women? Even though he has been accused of several counts of sexual harassment, reinstated the global gag rule, passed a bill to make the Hyde Amendment a permanent law which will impact low-income women and women of color from receiving Medicaid, stripped funding for the UN Populations Fund which provides family planning and reproductive health services for women and girls across 150 countries? Have you stood by him despite his sexist comments?

• Did you not vote for Hillary because of her email scandal or role in Benghazi? Did you then not blink an eye when the Trump administration set up a private email server, the President tweeted from an unsecure phone, and ordered the Yemen raid without adequate intelligence which led to the deaths of innocent people? 

If you found yourself checking any of these boxes, understand that we are all guilty of internalized misogyny now and then.  Here are some potential cures to help you check yourself:  

1. Recognize internal misogyny when it occurs (whether it be towards yourself or others) and self- check when it happens.

2. Most importantly don’t be down on yourself for checking off some of these boxes, even our feminist role models and heroes still struggle with these ingrained issues, recognition is the first step to true change.

3. Analyze your upbringing, environment, etc. and try to get to the roots of why you may have these subconscious beliefs and how it may have affected you life, decision making etc.

4. Celebrate yourself, be an ally to women of all different body types, ethnic backgrounds, religions, socio economic classes, sexual orientations, across the spectrum of ablebodiness, and gender identities. Opening yourself up to what “feminist” means to all women is a crucial step in expanding your view of what it entails and smashing the gender box that society has created.

• internalized misogyny
• women supporting women