We pay more attention to the grammar in our text messages than to the grammar in our essays: does an exclamation point make me look too eager? Is a question mark too formal? We consult our best friends only to decide that it’s best to respond with an emoji because everyone knows emojis speak louder than words.
Here’s the situation: your boy is essentially texting your best friend at this point, as you’re too worried to say what’s really on your mind. But it’s okay because he thinks he’s texting you, right?
But then…
It’s 12:17 AM on a Saturday.
The room is dark. The bass is pumping, and the walls are simultaneously shaking. You look left and see your first year roommate hooking up with the cute guy that lives down the hall. You look right and see your best friend getting down and dirty (I guess she’s going home with him tonight).
And…. To avoid looking like the lonely girl at the party, you look down at your phone. Your best friend is a little preoccupied at the moment, so whom do you turn to for some texting advice? It’s not like you can call your mom – she’s been asleep for hours. And it’s not like The Writing Center is open for some late night proofreading.
So…. You’re on your own. You bite your lip and say, “Screw it. I’m texting him.”
…This is the last thing you remember from last night. So what did you text him?
Was it the illegible message that was typed so weirdly that spell check didn’t even know what you were trying to say? Or how about the failed booty call that never received a response? Or maybe even the cringe worthy “I miss you” text to a past hook up?
Don’t worry; we’ve been there, done that. Here’s how to handle it:
- Come clean and own up to it. Honesty is the best policy. Worst-case scenario: You avoid eye contact next time you pass him on the Quad. Best-case scenario: you get laid next weekend.
- Send an excuse. It’s risky and he might not believe you, but it’s worth a try.
- Well, it looks like you didn’t get a response back. So, if he’s not into it, then you shouldn’t be either. Lesson learned? Check.
- As a wise T-Pain once said, blame it on the a a-a-a-a-a-alcohol baby. Or a friend. Either one could work, but double check with the
vodkafriend first, so your stories match up. - Delete the conversation before you go to bed, so when you wake up, you don’t know anything happened! Just kidding. This never works.
The concept of talking to boys often becomes blurred thanks to a screen (and a little bit of liquid courage). Ironically, our touch screens are making us lose touch, as girls often explain, “I drunk texted him” to reassure themselves it was their drunken alter egos that hit “send.” While this seemingly rational explanation may soothe their minds, its effectiveness is only fleeting. Alcohol does impair our physical and cognitive abilities, but it also makes us care less, which means that drunken words are usually sober thoughts.
So, while your incomprehensible text message may be embarrassing, don’t worry. It happens to the best of us.