I can assure you after two-and-a-half years, it is not easy work to keep a happy relationship. A lot of times, we ladies like to put the blame on the guys (which is usually much deserved). However, the definition of a relationship reminds us women that the benefits and conflicts are mutual. While we are all prefect and beautiful in our own right, there are a few things each of us can do to strengthen our relationships with the males in our lives, whether they be boyfriends, hookups, or mere crushes. What’s more: the results can be wildly satisfying on our part.
Be a friend first: A relationship is 90% friendship and 10% sexual. If the foundation of a friendship is not there, then there is no way you will get the romantic results you want. Just like a friendship with your girls, you need trust, support, and mutual interest. Even if his interests are not the same as yours, try to take interest in them. Support his goals and dreams even if they are not along the same lines as yours. In the end this mutual respect will build trust, and will result in shared ambitions.
Reward: The passion between the sheets will become more intimate as your bond becomes closer. If you know what you like from day to day, you will become more adventurous in your sexual likes and dislikes.
Sharing: While you should love to be around your guy, 24/7 neediness is not attractive on either side. Just as you still want to hangout exclusively with your girlfriends, he still wants to chill in with his boys. I suggest taking one night a week where you are stay exclusive to your gender. This way, his friends will welcome you as his girlfriend rather than become jealous that you are stealing all of his time. On the other hand, ladies, put you out there to get to know his friends. It will be positive for him to see you being friendly towards the other people he cares about.
Reward: If he sees that you are comfortable around his friends, and his friends are not jealous of you stealing all of his time, he will be inclined to show more affection in public. Knowing that his friends are not going to ridicule him for holding your hand or throwing his arm around you will open the door to taking your relationship public.
Compromise: Along the same lines of sharing, compromise deals less with friends, and more with your time spent together. The activities you do together defines your relationship. If you constantly sit on the couch and watch his favorite sport, you are going to feel bored and unimportant. Likewise, if you are constantly dragging him to date parties, chick flicks, or your favorite restaurant, he is going to feel voiceless. Compromising to do something he likes instead will show him you are not selfish. It will also show that you are taking interest in his hobbies rather than just verbally claiming an interest.
Reward: If you sacrifice by watching sports with him, or by listening to his favorite heavy metal band, he will return the favor. Perhaps he will be more inclined to watch The Notebook with you after you have spent the weekend watching every playoff game. Plus, you may even come to enjoy the sports to make it one of you shared interests.
Talk him up:
Just as each of us ladies likes to be complimented on our haircut, our makeup, or our pretty new dress, men love to receive compliments. Behind their manly shell, guys are vain! They get just as upset when you don’t notice that they trimmed their beard or got a haircut. Try to give him a compliment on the shirt he is wearing, or how defined his biceps look after he worked out at the gym. However, use censorship when dolling out compliments. Guys hate to be called cute, and they hate it even more in front of their fellow bros.
Reward: By boosting his confidence, he will be prompted to make the more advantageous moves with you. Confidence breeds a sense of ease between you, allowing your “just-a-friend” to become something more. In a long-term relationship, his bolstered ego may cause him to buy you flowers or do something extra romantic.
Dress Down:
Just as much as guys love seeing you try to impress them, they love a down to earth girl. Nothing is more intimate than hanging out sans makeup, hairspray, and a neck full of jewels. If you are just starting to date, it is necessary to dress yourself up in order to escape the dreaded friend zone. However, when you are hanging out, a sweatshirt and sweatpants shows you are comfortable around him and you are in the relationship for the long run. He will see you as more than just a Friday night party partner.
Reward: By dressing down in front of him, both of your guards will be dropped and he will be more open about his feelings. No matter the stage of the relationship, a good movie night in PJ pants can lead to an opening of feelings, as well as some cuddling.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Bucknell chapter.