It’s that time of night again. One of your friends went to see her boyfriend. A few are chatting it up with some guys, some are dancing (with partners) and others are shall we say, a little tongue tied near the wall. Now what? Well, you do what every dignified college girl does at the end of a long night; you round up some single ladies, go to your favorites and hit that send button: it’s time to call Domino’s.
When one decides to call Domino’s it means there is no potential chance for a hook-up. You throw in the towel and tell yourself you’ll get ‘em next time. No need to wallow. There is Cheesy Bread on the way! Plus, that girl your crush was hooking up with on the dance floor isn’t even that pretty anyways. No Cinna Stix for you, Glen Coco. This will not be a pity party about how you and some friends didn’t get to spend “quality time” with guys you like or think are cute. No, no, this is a time of celebration. You are a strong, independent woman and the only man you need in your life is the Domino’s delivery boy.
So round up some single ladies and pick a dorm location. On the way to this location, make the call. Domino’s will pick up. But before you get too carried away on the phone, make sure you have a friend who is able to double-check the order. Depending on your night, you may have the urge to order an impossible amount of food. You will need that friend to stop you from doing this. Thank her in the morning. She saved you from making a huge Dominos no-no.
The anticipation of Domino’s is the worst part. It usually takes about 30 minutes so you have some time to kill. In the meantime, make sure you stay awake and use this time to highlight the night’s events with your friends. Everyone always has stories to trade and tucked away in closed quarters is the perfect time to discuss why on earth so-and-so was wearing that outfit. But hold that thought, your phone is buzzing and you know what that means. The delivery. This is arguably the best part of your night. A knight in shining armor, or perhaps a man in red and blue, will be waiting at the entrance of your dorm with a bountiful of goodies. You’ll want to get down there quickly because what’s to follow is pure amazingness. The first bite. It tastes like a little bit of heaven. You lather icing onto your Cinna Stix, rinse with lots of water because the Cheesy Bread is super salty and then repeat the glorious process. Lastly, to conclude your night, get rid of the evidence. If you don’t see boxes on your floor in the morning, was there ever Domino’s?
Every girl deserves to have a healthy relationship with Domino’s. However, it is important to keep the relationship at arms length.
When you’ve gone too far…
- You know the delivery guy’s name
- If Domino’s appears more often under “recently dialed” than your mom
- The delivery guy is in your phone as *Alex- Domino’s Delivery Guy*
- When Domino’s answers the phone, and says “Hello, [your name], how may I help you?”
- When Domino’s knows which dorm your order is going to without you telling them
- When Domino’s knows your order
- When you have the exact amount of money you need memorized
If this sounds like you, then you might want to reevaluate your relationship with Domino’s. It might be tough, but we must try to resist booty calling Domino’s 3 times a week, we don’t want to be too clingy. However, we must remember, no matter the night you’ve had, the Domino’s guy has your back. He will pick up when you call and if it’s your birthday, he might even hit you up with some extra Parmesan Bites. So maintain a good relationship with the Domino’s delivery guy and try not to get too angry if it takes him longer than 30 minutes to deliver. Good things come to those who wait. Be patient because there is Cheesy Bread at the end of the tunnel.