Don’t get us wrong – there are a lot of things guys do well. But there are some things we, girls wish they would do more, or rather, do better. We’re being honest when we say we’re not perfect either, but we like it when guys listen, make date plans, and tell us where we stand. So guys, this one’s for you, a compilation of requests, comments, and suggestion on dating, sex, and how to be a gentleman from Bucknell women. We hope you appreciate and learn from our honesty.
In terms of Dating, Sex and Being a Gentleman…
Take initiative and make a move. So we hooked up, now what? Text us. Most of us won’t become weird, crazy, and clingy if you send us a message. Also, don’t assume we are looking for a relationship. Sometimes we just like to hook up. Either way, you have nothing to lose. Who knows, maybe you are missing out on something great. And if we make the first move, don’t act like we are clingy or obsessive. We’re just trying to figure out what’s next or if we should move on.
Cut the technology. Please don’t check your phone while we’re on a date. If we’re hanging out together, it should just be you and me. Whether it is in a restaurant or the bedroom, it’s much nicer when we focus on us and not what our friends are doing. Speaking of phones, we do enjoy chatting outside of the hours 11pm and 3am – we aren’t exactly nocturnal creatures.
Listen. If we unload our problems onto you, we don’t expect you to fix them. We just want you to be there for us and let us vent. Additionally, we value your opinion, but it doesn’t mean we will always like it. Tell us what’s on your mind. We might disagree, and that’s okay, but we want to hear what you have to say.
Split the bill. It’s the Twenty-first Century, we can take turns paying for dates and buying each other drinks, but we do like when you propose ideas or plan a date.
Remember important dates. Please remember my birthday and our anniversary.
Tell us where we stand. No one likes to have the “what are we” conversation, but it is necessary. Just be honest with us about what you are feeling. If it’s not in the cards, that’s fine, but let’s not waste our time.
Not always expect sex. If a girl goes back to your room, do not anticipate sex is definitely happening. There is nothing worse than a girl feeling like she has to do something. If she wants to, that’s great, but “convincing” her is not okay. Every girl is different so it isn’t fair to assume that if she comes home with you, she will sleep with you. Also, please be prepared! It’s not okay to wait right before we are about to have sex to say you have no condoms, and then get mad when we don’t want to have unprotected sex.
Not overdo it on the tongue. Sloppy make outs that make us feel like we are drowning in saliva aren’t exactly sexy. A welcomed alternative to tongue would be sucking on our lower lip a little, and kissing our necks. Yes, definitely kiss our necks.
Tell me what you like and dislike, and ask me what I like and dislike. Don’t pretend to be a pro; we aren’t pros either. Just because you keep pushing the buttons, doesn’t necessarily mean you are doing it right. Bear in mind that girls are a little more complicated. Some like it rough, some like it gentle. Try different tactics and ask for feedback. It’s nice when you check in and ask, “Is this good?” or even, “Show me how I can do this better.” We like to get to the finish line, too! And sometimes we need you to show us what you like. Help us help you!
Be respectful when we go down on you. When it comes to oral sex, there are two important rules. First, do not push a girl’s head down during oral sex. Second, do not refuse to kiss us after we have performed oral. It’s pretty insulting.
Cuddle. It feels nice and releases the magnificent hormone, oxytocin, which puts us in a good mood. However, we understand that it is hard to fall asleep while cuddling. Not only are we super uncomfortably hot, but also your arm probably fell asleep and our hair is definitely in your mouth. We understand, and most of us like a little sleeping space, too.
Say hello. We know the message you are pretending to write is super important as you walk by us on the quad, but just say hi. We get it. We hooked up once. But Bucknell is a relatively small campus so we are bound to run into each other. Let’s avoid awkwardness. Just smile, give a nod or say hi. We don’t have to hook up again and we don’t have to be best friends, but let’s be mature and acknowledge each other’s presence. As one friend said, “If you can talk to me drunk, you can say hi to me sober.”
Strike up a conversation. While we are waiting for the professor to get the computer up and running ask me how my day is going. Chatting in class doesn’t have to mean anything more than just that – chatting in class.
Take us home. Lewisburg is certainly a safe neighborhood, but making sure both of us get home safely should be a priority. We don’t expect you to necessarily walk with us the entire way or drive us home in the morning, although that is much appreciated, but at the very least let’s exchange texts acknowledging we both got home okay.
When it comes to dating, sex, and being a gentleman, we wish guys would ultimately be respectful and honest; it’s the root of all human interaction, not just between guys and girls. If you already do these things, thank you, and if you don’t, well guys, we wish you would.
*Editor’s Note: As we concluded this list of desires for the men on campus, we realized there are plenty of things we could also improve on as women. Stay tuned for the response article written from a guy’s perspective on what guys wish girls would do.