Friends with Benefits (noun): Two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved; typically two good friends who have casual sex without a monogamous relationship or any kind of commitment.
In the past, we, as collegiettes, adversely viewed a “friends-with-benefits” relationship as a way to avoid responsibility. Nowadays, however, it seems as if this arrangement is the only type of relationship there is. We view a “friends-with-benefits” relationship as a mutually enjoyable way to meet our needs. The ambiguity and unknowns assure an absence of labels, guarantee no rules and vow no commitment. In other words, anything goes. Do we engage in these relationships as a way to avoid commitment? Or, do these relationships make us feel secure in our society that lacks trust? Friends by day…partners by night; a “friends-with-benefits” relationship sounds like the perfect deal. However, can we even consider this a true relationship, if one at all? Freely labeled as single, yet having this substantial, addictive attachment to one person.
Pulling off this arrangement, however, can be risky and more complicated than one might think. Can a “friends-with-benefits” relationship actually have no strings attached? Prior to getting down and dirty with your good friend, use this guide to understand the pros and cons, and how to successfully make a “friends with benefits” relationship work.
Pros:
- It’s easy. You have a friend who’s essentially at your call. Someone who’s on your very short list of people who you generally like. You understand each other’s humor, always laughing and fooling around. Why not spice it up a little? It is a completely casual and fun friendship that includes minimum insecurity and maximum advantages.
- It’s all fun and just sex. What is more fun than having sex with someone whose company you actually enjoy? If done correctly, it can be just sex between two consenting adults who share similar interests.
- It is a safe place to experiment. There is no judgment; nothing is awkward. You both can be as blunt as you want when talking about your guilty pleasures. Additionally, freely experimenting will strengthen your carnal confidence.
- Since no feelings are involved, you don’t feel pressure to impress your partner. Inviting him over for some fun after a long day, while in sweats and hair up in a ponytail…completely acceptable and highly encouraged.
- Friends with benefits come with negligible drama. This arrangement limits the exhausting, irrelevant arguments over unwelcomed obligations with a needy consort.
Cons:
- A relationship that starts at no boundaries, stays at no boundaries. There is, by no means, any potential for a constructed, serious future with this partner. Once you fall into the comfort of a game with no rules, an unimpeded pasttime it will stay.
- Low expectations of men sell your own value short. “Friends-with-benefits” relationships encourage an ambiance of selfishness, disrespect, and a lack of responsibility. You are held at a higher regard; you should demand honor, admiration, and reverence.
- Having the enjoyable aspects of a relationship at the tip of your fingers can prevent you from meeting someone new. It eliminates the incentive to meet potential suitors.
- Emotional involvement might arise. It is hard to cease emotions, especially ones that have sexual attachment. Feelings make keeping the “it’s just sex” mindset messy and complicated.
- It can ruin your friendship. Once you start having sex, it might be hard to go back to your original friendship. Some claim that it just makes their friendship closer, while others who experienced a messy ending claim their friendship will never be the same.
- Ambiguity sets you up for heartbreak. There is no respected balance of giving and receiving. Eventually, one demands more or holds the other to higher expectations. One will usually feel painful disappointment.
How to pull it off:
- Most importantly, choose your friend wisely. In order to entirely eliminate awkwardness, try to avoid hall-cest as much as possible.
- Be vigilant and prepared that feelings might develop.
- Communication is key. Tell him if you want more, in all senses.
- Set rules. Ambiguity just leads to chaos. Define the relationship with strict guidelines so questionable actions and contrasting expectations don’t arise.
- Limit “couple-y” conduct. Keep hugging, kissing, and other emotional PDA at a strict minimum.
- Stop if you get jealous. If you get upset that there’s another girl on his snapchat BFFs, end it immediately.
- Don’t forget, you are friends. Hold your respect for each other at the highest regard.
Don’t do it if you’re the type of person who…
- Gets jealous.
- Gets emotionally attached when sex is involved.
- Associates sex with love.
- If the other partner has any sort of feelings for you, whether or not you reciprocate those feelings. (No one wants to be led on.)
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