After my first semester of college, I knew I would transfer. And yet, I continued to stay at my original university until the end of my sophomore year.
Sparing the sad details, my experience there can easily be summarized as “traumatic.” The only thing that kept me at my old school was my team, as I played women’s lacrosse. The only time I felt remotely okay was when I was on the field or with my teammates.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough to keep me at a school that wasn’t dedicated to their students’ well-being, safety, or academics. Coming out of our spring season in my sophomore year, I knew I would not be returning and decided to take the fall as a gap semester so I would have time to research and visit schools.
After having two years of freedom, packing up my bedroom in my first college house knowing I would be living at home for the next seven months was not easy. I had to tell myself that this was my “healing girl era.”
As I worked throughout the entire summer and fall, I did just that: I healed. I was going to the gym consistently, visiting schools, and bonding with my family. I was able to recenter my focus on what’s important to me and internally resolved some of the problems I had been working through.
That’s not to say it was always easy. I felt incredibly lonely at times while I spent every Saturday night watching movies with my dog. I had to watch friends party together on Snapchat stories and longed for a night out other than dinner with my parents (even though they’re the best).
In the end, it was worth it because I ended up transferring to Boston University in January as a stronger, happier, and more confident woman. I was ready to feel 20 again to meet people. I was ready for my life to resume.
After being here for just over a month, I can truly say I am happy with my decision. Immediately, I loved the environment I found myself in. Boston is a beautiful city, my classes are wonderful, and everyone I’ve met is genuinely kind.
The first few weeks, though, were surprisingly difficult. I met many new people — which doesn’t necessarily translate into immediate friendships. Living alone reminded me how hard it can be to navigate the social scene, especially as a young adult.
Time is the most obvious factor. Since then, I have met more people, gotten involved in activities, and started to focus on my schoolwork. Even now, though, my days mainly consist of going to class, eating meals alone, spending time in my apartment alone, exploring the city alone, and — if I’m feeling productive — cleaning alone. I’ve come to love spending time by myself. However, at the beginning, it felt like too much even for me.
It took me some time, but then it clicked: I am still in my healing era.
I started to change my approach. Instead of having plans lined up every night of the week, I have a great morning routine every day that makes me feel happy and healthy. I try not to think about the dinner plans I don’t have, but instead, allot that time to cook a nice meal at least three times a week. Romanticizing alone time looks different to everyone, but truly being happy with yourself is so important.
Sometimes, we must be reminded that we are still growing and learning about ourselves. While I would have described my gap semester as a time for intrapersonal growth, I now see it as time spent focusing on interpersonal connections while still prioritizing myself.
The reality of being a transfer is similar to the reality of life. It can be intimidating, anxiety-provoking, and sometimes very lonely. In my experience, accepting that where you are right now is not the final destination can be revolutionizing.
I thought that once I transferred, everything would suddenly and magically be perfect. In reality, transferring allowed me to finally have the opportunity to live the type of life I have always envisioned.
don’t be afraid of new beginnings!
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