Throughout the past four years of college, I’ve lived in four places. For some people, that sounds like a dream. But for me, it’s a nightmare. I hate change. However, forcing myself to explore so many new places has helped me become the woman I am today. Although I can’t say I like change any more now than I did four years ago, I’ve recently embraced it and am ready for all the new changes coming my way.
These five places mean something different to me. Firstly, my hometown in California. I grew up in a suburb called Redwood City, about 30 minutes south of San Francisco. Like everyone living in a small town outside a major city, I tell non-Californians I’m from San Francisco. My hometown is my real safe space: it’s comforting, familiar, routine, and calm. For 18 years, Redwood City was all I really knew, and I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.
Then came the huge decision that every high school senior faces: picking where I wanted to spend my next four years. At my school, everyone was pushing to leave California, and I understood why. Young adults rush to leave and experience life in a completely new place for their college years because they know they’ll eventually end up back on the West Coast. For many of my friends, and for me, this was obviously our plan — and that’s how I ended up in Boston, nearly 2500 miles from everything I knew.
Before I came to Boston, it seemed like the most intimidating city in the world. I remember walking on campus during admitted students day and thinking, “This is insane.” To me, Boston was tall buildings all packed next to each other, chaos, and everything my calm hometown wasn’t. It took time to get used to how the city functions, but I also had to constantly remind myself that I chose to move here and that this entirely new environment was what I wanted. My journey learning to love all the quirks that make Boston my college city allows it to have a special place in my heart.
In my junior year, I decided that I wanted to go abroad. After finally feeling 100% comfortable in Boston — I could cross the street before the light changed and stand on the T without holding the bars — I wanted to push myself again. I chose to study abroad in London — a city much bigger than Boston. As I settled into a city even farther from my home, I felt overwhelmed yet again. It was a different type of overwhelmed than when I first got to college; somehow, it felt more manageable. I started thinking about how lucky I was to study on a new continent, in a totally new culture and environment, for just four months of my life.
To make the city feel smaller, I formed routines: Sainsbury’s trip every Monday afternoon, a long walk after class on Wednesdays, and going to our favorite pubs and bars on the weekends. By the end of my time abroad, I felt accomplished. I had tackled a totally unfamiliar country and learned so much about myself as I embraced the process. I became much more independent and comfortable making choices that worked for me, not others. I don’t think I would have grown if I hadn’t been slightly uncomfortable. That’s the real beauty of pushing yourself to embrace literally being in a different environment — you’re forced to change your lifestyle, and it’s often for the better.
The final (and scariest) place I lived these past four years was New York City. I was lucky enough to intern there this past summer, and I’ll be 100% honest, I was absolutely terrified. I spent the weeks before I left crying each day, unsure why I said yes to the job and wishing I could stay home all summer. When I remembered there was no backing out, instead of changing my mindset, I cried more. Honestly, I was angry with myself. I felt like I had made so much progress while I was in London, yet I couldn’t shake the dread I felt.
Once I got to New York, the crying didn’t stop. I had to manage a totally new environment, living area, and job essentially alone. What helped me was taking things day by day. I used a technique I knew always helped me: planning. I planned each day of the week, when friends and family would visit on weekends, and solo adventures to get more comfortable with the city.
Looking back, 10 weeks flew by — but at the time, it felt like an eternity. I started meeting people in a similar situation and feeling less and less alone. I also started treating it like London or Boston. It was a chance for me to get a taste of living elsewhere and feel the one thing my California hometown couldn’t provide: excitement from something new.
All of this is to say that change is still very scary for me. It’s not something I welcome with open arms, and I honestly doubt I ever will. But the way I approach change is different now because I’ve forced myself to do it so many times. I wouldn’t have discovered my love for solo walks or a cozy self-care night in, my necessary people-watching time as I “read” my book, or my shameless Whole Foods Hot Bar visits if I hadn’t pushed myself to truly live in these environments.
So to all my girls who struggle with change and are thinking about all the new parts of college, know that I understand the apprehension and I’m right there with you. But you truly never know if you don’t try.
Each time you take a big step, it teaches you something about yourself and all that you can tackle just by being yourself.
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