I may ruffle a few feathers here with this one.
I have gotten into debates with some people who love to throw my childhood and how I grew up in my face. Because I grew up spoiled, I can’t have an opinion on poverty or homelessness. I’m also a hypocrite because I work with low-income students. I’ve been told these things, which has prompted me to write this.
I remember seeing a picture of a young girl getting a Mercedes Benz as a gift from her mother. The Internet was pissed. I didn’t understand why people were so mad that this young woman’s mother decided to use her money to buy her daughter a car. People called the woman lazy, said she was spoiled, said she didn’t know what hard work was. So many insults were thrown her way because her mother gave her a gift!
One commenter said, “I’d rather work for what I have. You don’t appreciate it as much if someone buys it for you. And a young ass girl who will probably wreck it sooooo not worth it. I worked for what I have and my children will too.”
This is baffling to me. I have an obvious bias as someone who was given a car by my father, one that I didn’t wreck. I also worked to put gas in it and help take care of it. Just because spoiled kids get gifts doesn’t mean we don’t work hard. And who knows if she is spoiled, this could have been a one-time thing!
Before we continue, let me define my key term. I look at being “spoiled” as being able to ask for something from my parents or other family members and have a high probability of being told yes. I.e. getting what I want.
Many thank yous are extended to the people who have worked arduously to ensure I can live this life. Thank you to my mother for struggling so I wouldn’t have to see struggle. Thank you for taking me to college classes with you and getting your degree so we could have a great life. Thank you for working long, tiring hours to feed me and buy me clothes. Thank you for showing me what hard work is. Thank you for loving me endlessly even when you saw me making decisions against your better judgment.
Thank you to my father for picking up extra hours at work when I needed extra things for school. Thank you for getting your degree so you could get a job that paid the bills. Thank you for supporting me in my life choices and career pursuits.
Thank you to my grandma for showing me unconditional love and taking me to church with you. Thank you for dealing with my stubbornness and never giving up on me. Thank you to my grandpa for making it all possible. Thank you for being the one to instill the beliefs of hard work into our family.
I often think that when someone calls another person spoiled, they forget that other people made it possible. I wouldn’t be “spoiled” if my family didn’t work incredibly hard to be able to give me what I have. I am incredibly grateful for everything I have and the opportunities I am given. My mom was a teen mom and didn’t want me to see struggle. I am sorry she had to struggle, but I am not sorry that she loved me enough to give me the life she believed I deserved.
I admire people who overcome difficulties in life and don’t succumb to their unfair environments. People love to tell me that I “don’t know struggle” or that I’m “privileged.” I have problems, they may not be as big as yours or anybody else’s, but I still have issues. I also recognize my situation and understand that everybody doesn’t have the experiences I do. #checkedmyprivilege (Look into intersectionality, it is very important). I believe that anyone with a known privilege in any area should use said privilege to help others.
What frustrates me about any of this is that people fault me for trying to help others. I had family and counselors and teachers in my corner advocating for me and telling me that college was an option and that I can accomplish all my goals. I teach a class to be that person for students. How am I hypocrite because of that? I use the resources I was given to try and make an impact in somebody else’s life. I use the education I’m given to educate others.
I work hard. Ask anybody who knows me and they will tell you that I am always working. Just because I can ask for anything I want, doesn’t mean I should. I work multiple jobs and I take 20 credit hours in school. I want to achieve my own success. I want to give my children the same life I had. I want them to believe that they can accomplish anything and I want to give them the resources to be able to do so.
I am not saying that people who aren’t spoiled, have parents who don’t work hard. Some choose to not spoil their children and that’s fine. Regardless, I will no longer continue to apologize for being spoiled.
I didn’t choose to be born into this life. I am forever grateful, but am I supposed to be sorry that my parents set me up for success? I find myself apologizing for the way I was raised. It is not something I should be sorry for. My family set me up for success and I will be damned if I take that for granted.