When most students first think of college, their mind travels to thoughts of new friends, clubs, and adventures. A roommate search quickly begins as freshmen plan their new lives, which, let’s face it, revolve around new people.
Meeting new people is undoubtedly a huge part of college life. However, there’s another part of college that no one talks about: the amount of time you spend alone.
Whether it’s sitting in your dorm room, grabbing a quick breakfast, or trying a club for the first time, so much of starting college is done on your own. This may be great for the kinds of people who enjoy a sense of independence. But for people like me, spending this much time alone can be overwhelming.
In my first week of college, I was upset by the amount of time I spent doing activities alone. I am not an independent person and I’ve always had a friend with me.
But I’ve found that there’s beauty in spending time with yourself. Once practiced enough, the confidence that comes along with being your own best friend is empowering. But where do you start? What steps can you take to grow into this independent woman who finds comfort in her own company?
Step one is to set routines. College can be overwhelming because you have more time to yourself than ever before. In fact, the Counseling and Psychological Services of the University of Kansas states, “most students struggle with the increased freedom [that college brings].”
Freedom can be exciting, but it can also be scary. A lot of loneliness comes from students not knowing what to do with their time.
This struggle can be combatted by creating healthy routines. These routines include setting aside time for studying, physical activity, and new clubs and people. However, the healthiest, most sustainable routines include setting time aside for rest, relaxation, and doing things that make you happy.
A great example of this is setting aside time to FaceTime friends from home every week. Throughout your day, going through an established routine helps you to feel less lonely, and more comfortable being on your own.
Think about how much you can get accomplished each day if you stick with your routine!
Nonetheless, established routines can only take you so far. This is where step two comes in: learning to love and look out for yourself.
For many people, this is the first time in life that they are truly self-reliant. You are in control of your entire experience. While this is daunting, it can also be so rewarding.
I encourage you to fall in love with yourself. View yourself as a friend that you have to look out for. How would you talk to them? How would you take care of them? By treating yourself with this same kindness, you can better look out for yourself.
This kindness continues both within yourself and in how you view other people, which brings me to step three: get out of your own head.
As young women, we spend way too much time thinking about other people’s opinions. I did too, until I realized a simple fact in the dining hall one day: no one cares if you are sitting alone.
In fact, if you look around, I’m sure you will see other people sitting alone as well. This same concept applies to everything you do in college. It is not strange to do things alone, because independence is a part of life.
So, calm your anxious thoughts and only focus on what you can control. You can’t control other people’s thoughts, but you can control yourself. Take control of balancing your independence with your social life. Don’t worry about other people’s opinions too much.
At the end of the day, everyone in college is going through the same transition. Give yourself time to adjust to this newfound independence, and balance it with the social life you’ll undoubtedly create.
Follow these three steps: set routines, be kind to yourself, and don’t focus on what you cannot control. It can be frightening, but college is exactly what you make of it.
I encourage you to look forward to spending time doing things for yourself. Make time to do the things that you love—watch a good movie, listen to music, and eat your favorite desserts.
By pairing this with your daily routine, you will transform into a confident, self-motivated young adult!
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