Hickeys, love bites, weird red marks. Weâve all seen them, but our reactions may differ based on who we are, and who has them.
We all know the stereotype: girls who have hickeys are sluts and whores. But are they though? Or are they really just marks of intimacy that we like to label as promiscuity? What is it about marks of pleasure on a womanâs body that make them particularly susceptible to the shameful stares of others?
Rarely have I met a man who said no to a hickey. For them, itâs a trophy, an award, something to show off. I donât mean to say that it shouldnât be, but why canât that same standard be applied to women too, since the target of shamed remarks is mainly at younger women?
Something about hickeys connotes young lust and perhaps thatâs why they arenât taken so seriously. Have you ever seen your grandma with a hickey? Maybe it has to do with our cultureâs long history of shaming women for being sexually provocative.
Thereâs an odd duality that certain aspects of sexual pleasure are allowed to be public, and some are not. For example, we have progressed enough as a society to allow sex stores to exist in our communities. Beyond that, we can even buy some basic sexual supplies from a local CVS or Target if we really want to.
The actual reality of seeing evidence of a sexual encounter is more embarrassing than simply knowing that everyone is doing it. It seems like the grip that shame has on American sexuality is slipping, but there is still a long way to go. The âtrashinessâ of hickeys has to change: Itâs just a leftover from intimacy. Why should that matter to employers, friends, strangers, or anyone really?
Maybe more than just intimacy, hickeys are an emblem of someone who wears their heart on their sleeve, and in todayâs guarded world, that kind of authenticity seems frightening.
I hope you think a bit differently about hickeys now!
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