The healing process is far from linear and by no means am I implying that there’s exactly one way to get over someone. There is not. But if there’s anything that I’ve learned from my love-related trials and tribulations, it’s that there was life before them, and there will be life after them. Even if it seems impossible now, you will get over it.
- Feel All the Feels
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When you’re going through a breakup, people are going to tell you to distract yourself. “Pick up a new hobby!” “Go on a date with someone new!” Keep yourself incredibly busy to keep your mind off the inevitable truth that a chapter of your life has ended. But eventually, the feelings you have been pushing off for days, or even weeks, will start to creep up on you, and you’ll be so caught up in your latest distraction that you won’t have a second to breathe.
Trust me when I tell you — it’s okay if it hurts. I think, in some ways, that’s the most important part about getting over someone. It’s not realistic to move on overnight. So don’t rush into the next thing if your heart is still grieving the past because you’ll only hurt yourself.
Let yourself feel sad just to get it out of your system. Watch rom-coms and eat tubs of ice cream and cry until you can’t anymore. There will be days that are harder than others, but don’t ignore them. Nurture those moments and take care of yourself when you are at your most vulnerable. These feelings are healthy and natural, and there’s nothing wrong with you for missing someone who isn’t in your life anymore.
- Find Love in Other Places
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When we enter relationships, we often put our partners on a pedestal. But you can’t credit one person for all of your happiness. When someone leaves your life, take it as an opportunity to find love in what you have instead of in someone else. During the months I spent getting out of a relationship, I learned to appreciate the love I had for my friends and my family. I was so preoccupied with trying to be a good girlfriend that I wasn’t the best daughter and friend.
Take this as an opportunity to refocus your energy into all the people that are still in your life; strengthen those relationships and appreciate them even more. Love isn’t reserved for high school sweethearts and camp boyfriends. Love is for the friends that would drive over to your house in the middle of the night if you asked them to. Love is your mom making your favorite comfort food for dinner because she knows it’s what you need. So many new people will come into your life, but don’t take them for granted because you are so much more loved than you even know.
So don’t look at the love you lost. Instead, start to realize the love that has been there all along.
- Learn To Love Being On Your Own
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Take this as an opportunity to get to know yourself better. Maybe this relationship ended for a reason you can’t see yet. Maybe there are parts of yourself you need to work on and understand. Don’t get into the habit of putting blame where it doesn’t belong because, at the end of the day, it’s not one person’s fault. You could do everything, and it still wouldn’t be enough for the wrong person. Some things just aren’t meant to last forever.
Reflect on the kind of person you were, and figure out who you want to be and what you want. Instead of waiting for your “perfect” person to come along, try to be that person. If you want flowers, go buy yourself flowers! Learn to love yourself in ways that another person couldn’t.
I can’t promise that getting over someone is going to be easy, and there’s always going to be a part of you that’s going to have love for someone who may not be in your life anymore. As painful as it can be to let go of such a big part of your life, it’s just as rewarding watching yourself become an even stronger person.
And when the time is right, the right person might just come along. But until then, there’s nothing wrong with being your own soulmate for a while!
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