If you’ve ever watched beauty gurus on YouTube, you’re likely familiar with the phrase “makeup therapy.” Influencers with nice cameras, perfect lighting and an endless stream of PR packages to open will sigh and mention it as they chat about stress and daily life. They might do an everyday look, or a look no one would ever dare to wear in public. In one particular video titled “Seventies inspired Makeup Therapy,” Sam from pixiwoo goes all out with green and gold blown-out eyeshadow and a dark, vampy lip.
Photo by Adrianna Calvo
“You’re not going to see pretty pretty makeup. That’s not what’s going to happen, because I don’t feel like doing pretty makeup right now,” Sam says as she starts off the video. By the end, I’m in love with the look, despite (or perhaps because of) its bold color and intensity.
Now, a confession: I love makeup. Maybe, deep down, I just want to justify the somewhat ridiculous collection of lipsticks I’ve amassed. There’s no denying the bias I have in favor of using makeup. Nevertheless, maybe the idea that makeup can be more than just product that sits on the skin isn’t a deviously manufactured marketing ploy or even my own self-justification. Maybe, it’s a reality.
There’s a common misconception that people who wear makeup have poor self-image, and that makeup is a way of hiding from their true self and deceiving others. Growing up, many of the women in my life exalted the importance of makeup appearing “natural” in order to look presentable to others. In a sense, wearing makeup was essential, but showing and admitting it was something to be ashamed of (I’m looking at you, “Take her swimming on the first date”).
When I look at that perception, I can understand why makeup once appeared linked with low self-esteem, especially when I was awkwardly working my way through my early teen years. I thought, if I was pretty enough, I wouldn’t “need” makeup. However, I personally want to explore a different role for makeup in my life. I want to explore makeup as an outlet of self expression rather than as a way of seeking approval.
I’ve loved to draw and paint my whole life. Doodles represent a freedom seldom found in other day-to-day aspects of modern life. As the creator, I choose what I draw. I decide what I want to convey and how I convey it. Sometimes, I want to use bright color and try a new technique. Other times, I want to stick to something tried and true. My art is a manifestation of me, an act of self-determination. It can be a strangely grounding act, especially during times of stress.
Sometimes, when I’m up late and stressed out, I’ll try to draw something. I’ll open a new page in my sketchbook and start drawing out whatever comes to mind. Other times, I’ll go over to the mirror and just experiment. Both drawing and makeup force me to slow down as I create; they both take time, and the end result doesn’t just appear out of thin air. In a sense, makeup is just drawing and painting on a different kind of canvas.
As I get ready in the morning, I use pencils and brushes strategically to create the look that I want. Sometimes, I feel like using bold color or trying something different. Other times, I just want to fill in my brows a little and call it a day. In the end, I choose what I want to look and feel like on any given day. Similar to how I choose the attitude I want to convey with my actions and demeanor, I choose the attitude I want to convey with my appearance. While others may argue that makeup is tied to low confidence and self-image, for me, makeup is like an art, an act of self-determination. It is a reminder that I have the power to be who I want to be.