So you’re home for the holidays, planning to enjoy your Thanksgiving break with your friends and family. Then, you realize that you have to sit at a dinner table with your entire extended family for hours, and guess what, they will be asking you those uncomfortable questions you have no desire to answer. You are apparently now an “adult” who has to hold intellectual conversation with other adults. Yet, you have no idea what it means to “adult”. That is a foreign term that you are not ready to discuss. So what do you do? Follow this advice and you’ll be sure to avoid all of those terrible questions each relative has for you.
Let’s just start with some topics you should completely avoid. Okay, so partying is definitely a no. Whatever you do, do not bring it up and if it gets brought up AVOID AT ALL COSTS. You know that one cousin you tell too much to is going to open their mouth and all of your embarrassing drunk times will spew out. When and if it gets brought up, just talk about all of the other things there are to do on the weekends. We know you don’t actually go to them, but it doesn’t hurt to pretend like you do.
Next, definitely avoid the whole dating/relationship topic. An easy way to get away from this is to say that you have been trying really hard to focus on your studies and do well in your classes. Talk about how midterms have just ended and now you are gearing up to finish the semester strong and ace all of your finals. Who has time for a relationship nowadays anyway?
This topic may transition to the major/future topic. “What are you majoring in?” “Where do you see yourself after you graduate?” These can be killers, especially if you are in the middle of shoving mashed potatoes down your throat. The quickest way to move on from this is to say that you are still trying to fulfill your general education requirements and prerequisites that your college requires before declaring a major. If that doesn’t shut them up, name a very general major such as business or education. Most family members won’t even know what to ask after that.
Once you’re on the topic of talking about your major, they will be sure to ask how your GPA is and how your classes are going. Now don’t actually laugh out loud at that question, it won’t look good. Midterms just ended and there is a sure chance you’re debating dropping out but you can’t let your guard down here. Simply say that you haven’t gotten many grades back for the year because professors like to save the big projects for the end of the semester. Talk about midterms and how well you think that you did (don’t worry there is still time to fix those grades) and when all else fails, just start to put the attention on another relative who may also be in college.
Then there are those relatives that bring up the past. “Have you talked to that old boyfriend you had in high school? How is so and so?” Like, really? Why must we take one step forward and eighteen steps back? If this subject really isn’t one that you can stand to talk about, all you have to do is say some terrible story as to why you broke up and will never speak again. Maybe even look a little mad or upset, but don’t go dropping tears now, that could start a whole other fiasco.
Some relatives’ personal favorite question to ask is “Have you made new friends?” Like no, no I haven’t. I sit in my room alone on the weekends and talk to the wall. Is it that hard to believe I’ve made friends grandpa? Talk about your roommates here and how much you love living with them even if you’re lying. If you start talking about roommate troubles you’re sure to cause a mess. That could be a topic you won’t get off of until after the pumpkin pie is served.
The last couple questions that are sure to come up are “Have you been eating well? Are you taking care of yourself?” Well this is when you stop and think about what you can say. Clearly saying that you’ve ordered pizza at 2 am the last four nights in a row won’t sound too good. Don’t mention that you haven’t worked out since the third day of school, either. Mention your favorite meal at your dining hall, try spicing it up a little bit. Talk about your favorite restaurant to go off campus “sometimes.” Make sure your family knows you are utilizing your dining hall swipes or you start getting into the wasting money conversation. Sounding like you go out every once in a while implies that you have people to go with and you aren’t a socially awkward disappointment.
If this doesn’t work for you, then you have a very nosey family, and we apologize. Good luck to you on this wonderful day of thanks. Remember, you’ll already be stuffing your face with food, don’t stuff your face with words, too.