Content Warning: This article refers to childhood trauma
It is largely believed that childhood is a crucial stage of our lives, where the foundations of our personal values and identities are constructed. However, it is still easy to underestimate the extent to which our early experiences continue to impact and shape our day-to-day lives in the present. The older generation’s tendency to fondly muse upon their youth, or ‘golden days’, is just one example of the powerful influence an individual’s past has on their current life. And although the phrase ‘time flies’ is thrown around casually, the ultimate sentiment behind it is very real and universally familiar: that we never truly stop feeling like our vulnerable childhood selves, especially in the face of dangerous or daunting situations.
The inner child often resurfaces as a defense mechanism in order to protect oneself from potential triggers in their environment. This can be seen as a subconscious attempt to resort to some kind of instinctual comfort and security. Whether it be an unstable family dynamic, absent parental figures, or bullying, scars from childhood trauma will inevitably reemerge to disrupt our everyday lives if not confronted.
Our primary experience of relationships with our family members or people at school are essential in creating a solid basis for individual self-esteem and confidence. It is so important for children to hear positive affirmations and praise to ensure they feel a sense of intrinsic worthiness which endures throughout adulthood. During childhood we have little life experience and are less resilient to criticism and harsh judgement, so when we are met with these upsetting responses we must deal with doubly severe consequences. Not only is our inner self immediately damaged; we are also left with long-lasting dents in our psyche detrimental to our emotional development.
I believe that the wounds inflicted on our inner child are absolutely reparable. In gaining perspective and maturity over the years, we are able to rationalise our early experiences rather than internalise harmful messages or behaviour towards us from the past. Although this is easier said than done, we must remember that the hurt we encounter is NOT our fault, and self-blame is never the answer.
To move forward, it is key to remain conscious of our actions in order to recognise possibly destructive patterns of behaviour, specifically in response to triggers. When met with reminders of the past, it is typical to fall back into old habits, such as emotionally shutting down or instead becoming uncontrollably angry. However, there is huge scope to overcome our personal demons and amend our unproductive reactions, don’t give up! There is hope for our present selves, and we are more than capable of reclaiming our strength during adulthood. For example, reconnecting with our passions and interests from early life that we may have been discouraged from and lost touch with. This way, we succeed in nurturing and embracing our childhood selves to bridge the gap with our disconnected adult personas, without allowing the former to dominate our everyday lives. In the meantime, I hope this serves as a gentle reminder that if you are struggling with the aftermath of a rocky childhood experience, you are not alone, and there is eventual empowerment that comes from acknowledging and healing your past.
If you are struggling with any of the issues this article raises, the following links may be of use:
University of Bristol mental health resources