Being single is a lifestyle that has a lot of stigma surrounding it. You’re lonely, a spinster, unfriendly… When in actuality, for many it’s a choice- so why are we not opening this dialogue and talking candidly about being single?
Here is your quick-stop guide on how to embrace being single in a totally normal and realistic way:
1. It’s all in the mindset.
It’s very common to feel that being single is a ‘lesser’ way to live than being in a relationship. This is totally not the case. Whether you’ve been single for a long time or it’s a recent stage in your life, this is the time to take stock and empower yourself. When in a relationship, sometimes we fall victim to placing our partner’s needs before our own. However, when we’re single, we are able to question and learn about ourselves in a new way. You are the only person you have to live with for the rest of your life, keep that in mind.
TASK: Visit a favourite location and sit alone with your thoughts and think of things that YOU want to do. Things that truly empower you.
EXAMPLE: I visited my local park and watched the squirrels and decided to go to a coffee shop and sit alone whilst reading my book. I felt really empowered because I was doing something I really wanted to do but hadn’t given myself the opportunity to in a long time.
2. Falling in love with YOU.
The age-old saying of “you must love yourself before you can love someone else” is true, however cliché that may seem. Being single is the perfect time for learning how to love yourself. This is because at this time, your priority is YOU.
TASK: Take a feature about yourself that you would find wonderful in a friend/partner and compliment yourself on it. It can help by looking in the mirror and addressing yourself as if you were a friend.
EXAMPLE: I think it’s really lovely how much I love dogs and how passionate I am about their welfare. If I had a conversation with a friend about this and they shared this opinion, I would definitely love them for it.
3. Self-dating.
This is the perfect ‘next step’ from FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU. It’s easy to find oneself feeling jealous of seeing friends going out on dates, getting to dress up fancy, and coming back with stars in their eyes. A simple solution to this FOMO: Go on a self-date. Self-dates are arguably the best kind of date as you are not at all needing to appease anyone, instead, you get to choose exactly what it is you will enjoy. Has there been something you’ve been desperately wanting to do? Maybe it’s time for a self-date.
TASK: If you’re feeling it, take yourself out on a self-date. Do something you want to do.
EXAMPLE: My favourite self-date is going to the cinema by myself. I love the feeling when the lights go down and it is just me and the movie. I also sometimes treat myself to dinner out afterwards to enjoy time in my own company.
4. Take a breath.
This is for all of you who have recently left a relationship (for whatever reason). You do not necessarily need to jump into another relationship, instead learn who you are now after your last relationship. What’s changed about you? How can you become more in tune with yourself and refocus your energy on you and only you? It does not have to be super introspective thoughts, it can be really nice to even think of the superficial things (as seen in the example).
TASK: Try and meditate on the questions raised above- see if your opinion about yourself changes/deepens.
EXAMPLE: I can see that I really miss going to cat cafés. My boyfriend was very allergic to cats so we never went and I think that is something I really missed doing. Maybe I’ll do that next week.
5. Being single at university
In modern pop culture (movies, music, etc.), it seems to be the popular opinion to be at university and be single. Being single is all about embracing whatever life throws at you and rolling with it. University is the perfect challenge to try and embody this mindset. However, it never has to be as extreme as the media says. Instead, we can be much more chilled with our ‘singledom’.
TASK: Try to stop thinking about being single or not. It is human nature to focus on things we don’t have, but embracing being single and the benefits it has can be very empowering.
EXAMPLE: I felt so empowered being single this week, I didn’t compare myself to my friends who are in relationships, instead I made sure that everything I did that week was something I wanted to do, and I had fun!
I think the essence to embracing being single is recognising the empowering reality that you can do whatever YOU want to do, and learn about yourself along the way. There is also power in recognising that this is not permanent (if you don’t want it to be), and people are definitely more attracted to self-confidence and self-love of which you can spend your time being single cultivating.