Picture this: Somewhere in the towers of JP Morgan or Goldman Sachs (or wherever your heart desires, it really doesn’t matter), some poor secretary is leafing through pages and pages of applications. The sounds of dreams being literally torn to pieces as another unsuccessful application is tunnelled through the jaws of the shredder echo through the building. Or that’s how I imagine it.
It’s November. To most people this signals the change in the weather and bonfire night. However, to a student this is when reality starts to set in. No one wants to be sat around the Christmas dinner table enjoying their turkey with a side of ‘So what’s the plan?’ The four words that strike fear into even the most organised of us all.
Personally, this is a question that has been asked every academic week since I have returned to university this year. As a second-year language student, this year is entirely focussed on ‘the plan.’ Amongst my ‘to-do list’ there is the thrilling task of translating my CV into two languages and applying for jobs in two countries where I know no one. One cheerful Italian professor told us ‘don’t worry, you’ll only hear back from 1 of the 100 of your applications anyway.’
All of this stress adds up and leaves us with two options:
1) You actually make a plan, or 2) You think of a very good and/or witty comeback to this question.
Obviously, I would recommend the former, but if this isn’t your style (trust me, I can relate), then it’s time to think about number 2.
- ‘It’s fine, I’m going to marry rich…’ To anyone who reads this and sighs (yes, I do see your point). However even the best of us have probably uttered this line at some point in our lives. It isn’t very ‘feminist,’ no, but it would solve a lot of problems wouldn’t it.
- ‘Whatever will be, will be’ The lines of a cracking tune made famous by Doris Day, and in my case, will remind my family I am bilingual(ish) when I hit them with a nonchalant shrug and ‘que será, será.’ It makes you sound wise for a few seconds before anyone realises you haven’t answered the question. Use these moments to exit the room swiftly.
- ‘I’m going to be rich’ Instils your family with confidence in your ambition. They will undoubtedly ask ‘How?’ so just lie and say you’re going to work in a bank. If you aren’t mathematically gifted, don’t use this line.
- Cry. They won’t ask again.