1 in 4 women, 1 in 33 men. That’s the amount of people affected by sexual assault. For somewhere as small and close-knit as Brenau, 1 in 4 is terrifying considering how many women you are surrounded by. And 1 in 33 could easily be the one guy in your biology or history class. So when a presidential candidate dismisses “grabbing women in the pu**y,” as “just words”, why aren’t people immediately up in arms? Hey, maybe you are, but not everyone is. Some people, some women, still support him. Why is that?
If you want a simple answer, I would blame brainwashing. But not like alien abductions or governmental probing, more like long-term, multi-generational culture-training. So, the real answer is, rape culture. Rape culture tells women that their sexual assault isn’t valid unless it meets a certain checklist, and that women are to blame for rape, and that resisting is so sexy to men that no means yes (No mean no, always, just so we’re clear). But, on the opposite side of the coin, it tells little boys that they have to push through girls saying no, that it’s okay to be mean to girls if you like them, and that if a girl isn’t saying yes, it doesn’t mean she’s saying no. So in a system like this, how is anyone, devoid of gender, expected to thrive in a society that tells us that sexual assault is inevitable?
Education. The answer is almost always education. The painful yet almost encouraging thing about Donald Trump’s “scandal” (if we can call it that; I’m not particularly scandalized by someone who looks like they rape women for a living saying he sexually assaults women), is that it occurred during Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This month is about bringing awareness to all types of domestic abuse: physical, emotional, financial, sexual, etc. So, it’s absolutely horrible that survivors have to be faced with a vile man saying vile things about a scenario that they may have been traumatized by during a month when we encourage them to tell us their stories and bring awareness to their struggles. Who would want to raise their voices and say “yes, I experienced this, and this is how I came out of it, and here’s how you can help me and others,” when a PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE won’t even admit to what he did without a contradiction? I wouldn’t, and I’m not even a survivor. Think of their pain and their internal struggle, how invalidated they must feel.
That all being said, DVA month is about education. And what better way to educate than saying, “look at this man, look at how prevalent DVA still is, and we’ve come a long way but we have a long way to go”. Having such a profound example that is in the public face is such a strong platform to talk about what needs to be talked about. Facing realities about domestic violence helps validate survivors and helps people see their situations in a new light. Facing misconceptions helps even more, especially since there are so many. Domestic violence and sexual assault affect more people than reported. Domestic violence isn’t just a married woman being physically abused by her husband. Sexual assault usually involves someone you know. Toxic relationships start with early warning signs. All of this information is so easily learned if we just take the time to be educators.
I love all of the work I do with Domestic Violence Awareness because I get to hear the stories of survivors and be able to transfer that into tangible activism. I get to tell women my age, who are most likely to be affected by domestic violence, how they can stay safe and how they can keep their friends safe. I get to form a coalition of women who are all committed to one common goal of helping women. I get to address these deep, lingering cultural issues that affect men and women everywhere. I get to inspire change, and you can, too.
That’s the beauty of Domestic Violence Awareness Month – you are doing something just by speaking up. Just by sharing your knowledge and your stories. Just by giving survivors a voice. Just by saying, “no Donald, they aren’t just words. It’s sexual assault”. Just by being strong and sturdy in your commitment to ending domestic violence, you are making a difference. So put on a purple ribbon and let’s get to work.