I am generally, genuinely, and perpetually confused about everything I thought I wanted. With less than a year until I have to make decisions that can truly affect my whole life, I am not sure that I am ready. I don’t know if I should go to graduate school. I don’t know if I should get a real job, and if I do get a real job, I’m not sure if it would be enough.
I don’t think I’m on my way to where I thought I would be. When I was younger, I always had dreams that I would be the next Oprah, and in college, I would fight to be on my way to that by the time I graduate. I see my friends at other universities on their television news stations, interning in Atlanta, and doing all these things I wish I felt I had the capabilities of doing. I feel like I’ve missed a lot of chances that were killed by self doubt and procrastination.
People always tell me I’m one of the best, but I don’t see how. Often times, I sit in my bed and debate on if I should go to class or not because I forgot my homework. How can I expect to be an Oprah, a Wendy, a Monica Kauffman, if I can’t even remember my homework. I guess I’m not the bad ass I thought I would be in college.
I’m confused about everything. I wish this piece was some sort of think piece on why freshmen shouldn’t procrastinate. Or why a first year student should focus less on their social life and more on their academic life, elaborating on the fact that their GPA will be crappy for the rest of their college career if they don’t study. But it isn’t. For once, I’m all out of answers. I’m all out of solutions. For once, I’m tired. For once, I am completely lost and it’s frustrating because I know that I’m the only one who can find myself.