Breakups …100% not fun—they’re actually very much like h***l (if I had to imagine eternal damnation) and thus can sometimes seem everlasting. After a break up, it’s normal to at once want to light your ex on fire and wish for him back. Yeah, totally not normal. But like I was saying, breakups can = short-time neurosis. Yet at whatever speed you move through splitsville, you will very likely endure these 7 stages and, at the end, everything will be alright! Silver lining? Just appreciate the warranted gourmandizing and alcoholism while you can.
1. Shock: “I Still Can’t Believe You’re Gone” by Willie Nelson. A day or maybe a week has passed at this point, but the thunderbolt of the breakup still stuns you. Even if you have slightly noticed that your bed is empty and that your phone isn’t ringing, overall you remain staggered. Nelson has been there, and thus he sings his melancholy: “I still can’t believe you’re gone, I still can’t believe you’re gone.”
2. Denial: Tim Mcgraw’s “She Can’t Be Really Gone” is similar to Nelson’s tune and might be relevant to those of you officially denying the dissolution of your relationship. When you find his/her items around, everything feels somewhat regular… he/she must be coming back. McGraw argues:
Her hat is hanging by he door…
the one she bought in Mexico….
She’d never leave that one
so she can’t really be gone.
3. Anger: “Kerosene” by Miranda Lambert is the exact song you want for your post-breakup venom phase. This is the kind of pyromania I mentioned earlier. After he cheats on her, Lambert burns down her boyfriend’s house and renounces love completely, claiming “I’m giving up on love, ‘cause love’s given up on me.”
4. Romanticizing:In this stage you’re sentimentalizing the crap out of your ex-relationship. Blake Shelton’s “Mine Would Be You” is for speeding down a long road doing such idealizing, open windows, hair tossing everywhere, rheumy eyes. Just remember, in real time, it probably wasn’t such heaven.
5. Bargaining:“I Have Been Lonely” by Blake Shelton pertains to those of you who are in the “bargaining” phase. While you’re most likely just trying to get rid of your pain, at this stage you start negotiating with yourself or your ex. You’re convinced that you want—no, no, NEED him/her back. You and Blake Shelton both! “Now I need to show you I was wrong/Here I am knees to the floor.”
6. Depression:Now you’re just straight depressed, and Josh Kelley’s “Mandolin Rain” is the right song for your burdensome heart. It’s beautiful and silvery and even though it might make you a little more blue, it’s worth a listen.
7. Accepance: Blake Shelton’s “Neon Light” is a tune for the celebration of your acceptance. This stage makes valuable all of the previous difficult stages. You can finally tolerate that you are no longer with X, and you understand why. You may still experience occasional stirs of sadness—those will go away eventually! Enjoy the neon light!