Everyone goes through things. Recently my life has been filled with too many emotions to regulate. Things that help me are music, writing about it, or writing around it. This a poem I wrote about love. It’s unpredictable, strong, and can completely take you over. This is an extremely raw poem, so I hope you all enjoy.
It’s crazy, I can write and talk about you all day long and now every time I think about you, every time I see your face I break into song. I hate giving people that ability to make me feel emotions so deep that I wonder if it’s me. I wonder if I deserve love, but I only wanted it from your sea. You had a unique kind of love. The love that made it easy to close my eyes, the kind of love where a phone call was just as strong as being between my thighs. The kind of love that babied my child self because I fear I grew up to fast. Having him leave my life would be like 10 bullets hitting my body. Now, I’ve never been shot before, but I guarantee the pain is on a similar level because thinking of a life without you makes it hard to breathe. The amount of tears I’ve already cried could fill the distance between us just so i could see your smile. I kept old voicemails of you so that if we couldn’t talk, I could still hear you. I remember just a little over a year ago, you asked me to be yours on my grandmother’s roof and now I don’t know if your love is true. Over a year ago I was afraid to love you but that didn’t stop you. You not communicating didn’t stop me but your so much stronger than me weather it’s a good or a bad thing. You never put your hands on me unless it was to hug me or caress me and or hold my hand. Now I fear I’ll never find a better man. You helped me with investigations, planning birthdays, making Christmas list, when I say I don’t think I’ll recover it’s true. Because life without you will forever be blue. I’m going to stop now because it doesn’t matter what I’d say. I thought I chose you and you chose me and that was the ending of this play. But You know where you are and I just have to be okay. So, I’ll always love you for better or for worse, but what if the roles were reversed. I don’t know. I just wish we could have made it to that verse.